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Writing Samples
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about investing in new railway lines for very fast
trains
Use synonyms
 between
cities
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, with some arguing that it can reduce the consumption of fossil fuels and the time
people
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 spend on the roads,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that governments should spend on improving existing public
transport
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 systems.
Linking Words
while
Capitalize the word
While
show examples
 investing in developing existing public
transport
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 makes
life
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 more efficient and convenient in
cities
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, I tend to believe that a balanced approach to fast train railways and improving existing public
transport
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 can bring about long-term beneficial outcomes.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters of expanding railway lines for very fast
trains
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 claim that it can enable
people
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 to travel more conveniently.
This
Linking Words
 can decrease their reliance on private cars, which can reduce the risks of road accidents, the consumption of fossil fuels, and travelling time. Thereby,
this
Linking Words
 approach can enhance the quality of
life
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 and mitigate environmental issues, including air pollution and health challenges.
For instance
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,
Nowadays
Fix capitalization
nowadays
show examples
, very fast
trains
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 in
German
Replace the word
Germany
 allow individuals to travel from one
city
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 to another
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city
Check wording
apply
show examples
within minutes, making it easier for students and employees who work in other
cities
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
trains
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 make their daily commuting more convenient, faster, and cost-effective
while
Linking Words
 reducing the
use
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 of fossil fuels, as they often
use
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 renewable energy.
Thus
Linking Words
, investing in
such
Linking Words
trains
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 can have a positive impact on
people
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’s personal and professional lives and
mitigating
Wrong verb form
mitigate
show examples
 environmental issues.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that policymakers should spend on improving present public
transport
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 systems, as investing in
such
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trains
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 requires a significant investment, which can place additional pressure on governments’ budgets.
This
Linking Words
 can leave authorities with limited financial resources to improve other parts of society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, improving existing public
transport
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 systems can make
city
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life
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 more efficient for citizens, because it can encourage
people
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 to
use
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 public
transport
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, which can contribute significantly to reducing traffic congestion and air pollution.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 measure can improve living standards.
For instance
Linking Words
, investing in fast electronic buses can motivate
people
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 to leave their private cars at home and
use
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such
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 vehicles.
This
Linking Words
 not only reduces traffic congestion but
also
Linking Words
 makes
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 across
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city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 much easier for citizens.
Hence
Linking Words
, spending on improving
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 public
transport
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 can play an indispensable role in enhancing the quality of
life
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 in
cities
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, from my perspective, investing in both very fast train railway lines and existing public
transport
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 can lead to positive results, including reducing air pollution, saving
people
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’s time and effort, and improving living standards.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should adopt a balanced approach to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 on very fast
trains
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 and
present
Verb problem
apply
show examples
public
transport
Use synonyms
 to ensure substantial development.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly how a government should split its money. For example, it could build fast rail only on busy city routes and spend the rest on buses, trains, and roads in cities.
task response
Some points need more care. Fast trains do not always use clean power, and they may not take only minutes between cities. Use a more safe example, or explain that this depends on the country and the rail line.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but the Germany example is too general. Give one clear fact or a more direct example of how a fast train helps people travel between two cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link to your own view clearer at the end of each main paragraph. After the fast-train paragraph, say that this is most useful for long trips. After the city transport paragraph, say that it is most useful for daily trips.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the main point is easier to follow. For example, explain the cost of new rail first, then explain why better buses and local trains may help more people.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'thereby', 'consequently', and 'hence' are used often. You can sometimes use simple links such as 'also', 'because', 'so', and 'as a result'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the case for new fast rail, the case for better public transport, and your own view.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and on topic. You explain benefits such as less road traffic, less air pollution, and easier daily travel.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear main idea and then gives reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The opening states your view, and the ending repeats it in a clear way.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • urban mobility
  • commuters
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
  • rejuvenate
  • cost-effective
  • traffic congestion
  • economic sustainability
  • tourism
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