IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some individuals believe that building tall skyscrapers in
megapolises
Correct your spelling
megacities
 is the best way to provide enough homes for people. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the particular reason of economic profit and benefit of
such
Linking Words
 construction.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the engineering and building companies
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as
Correct article usage
the government
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government
Punctuation problem
government,
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 will feel the new source of income. They
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 construct gorgeous buildings that
atract
Correct your spelling
attract
 tourists from the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
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world.
In addition
Linking Words
, companies will experience a need
in
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for
show examples
 specialists for
safe
Correct article usage
the safe
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 construction of tall apartment blocks.
For example
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, recent
researches
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research
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 discovered that places
as
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such as
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 New York and Shanghai
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
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 and blow
out
Verb problem
apply
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the mind of tourists with the appearance of
view
Correct article usage
the view
show examples
 that opens in front of them.
As a result
Linking Words
, these are the two main factors in economic growth.
Body paragraph 2
The comfort of people living in
such
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 buildings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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also
Linking Words
 taken into account. Circle shaped appartment blocks provide some space in
center
Correct determiner usage
the centre
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 for parking and
playground
Correct article usage
a playground
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
researches
Replace the word
researchers
 discovered that eighty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of acts of vandalism and
kinnapping
Correct your spelling
kidnapping
 are viewed by neighbours who are taking the first action in preventing
such
Linking Words
 stories.
As a result
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,
closed
Correct article usage
the closed
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 space between buildings is resulting in relief
of
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for
show examples
 car owners and parents.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
 all of the above, personally I agree that building tall
appartment
Correct your spelling
apartment
 blocks is the best way to provide homes for people living in the large cities. There are several reasons as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
advantage
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advantages
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 and
benefit
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benefits
show examples
 of living in skyscrapers
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 provide certain benefits
as a
Change preposition
in terms of
show examples
 safety for house holders and parents

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the main question. Explain why tall blocks give more homes on the same small piece of land. This is the key idea, but it is not fully explained in your essay.
task response
Your first main point is about money and tourists. This does not strongly show why tall homes are the best way to house city people. Use ideas such as land use, lower cost per home, and homes near work and transport.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example: a tall block can hold many families, so fewer new areas of land are needed.
task response
Be careful with facts such as research, tourist views, and crime acts. These examples are not clear and may not be true. A simple real example from a city you know is better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link from each paragraph to the question more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. Do not put several different ideas in the same paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'Therefore' can help, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is unclear. For example, explain what you mean by 'closed space' and how it makes people feel safer.
task response
You clearly state that you agree, and you give two reasons for your view: money and life in tall buildings.
task response
You try to use examples from large cities and daily life to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape: an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signpost words, such as 'First of all', 'In addition', 'For example', and 'To sum up'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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