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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some individuals argue that
students
Use synonyms
 should study all
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they should mainly pay attention only to
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in which they are interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, youth should focus on
subjects
Use synonyms
,
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apply
show examples
 in which
areas
Check wording
apply
show examples
they want to work in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Knowing all fields
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level
,
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apply
show examples
 allows teenagers to have broader knowledge and more
future
Use synonyms
 opportunities. They have a variety of options in terms of career and university choice. Being skilled makes
students
Use synonyms
 well-rounded and improves their different inner qualities
such
Linking Words
 as logical thinking, creativity and problem-solving.
However
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, memorising
much
Correct determiner usage
a lot of
show examples
 information can be overwhelming, and mostly,
students
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 do it just
for passing
Wrong verb form
to pass
show examples
 their exams. So, they do not really enjoy studying every single subject.
Body paragraph 2
When
students
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 focus on the studies they are naturally
passioned
Replace the word
passionate
 about, they can deeply improve their abilities
at
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in
show examples
 a certain subject. Teenagers remain motivated longer, so
It
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it
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 helps them to achieve more academic results and to prepare for their
future
Use synonyms
 university or profession.
For example
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, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, when parents notice that their child's grades
at
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in
show examples
 chemistry
got worse
Wrong verb form
have worsened
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 and math
better
Wrong verb form
has improved
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, they take him to extra
lessons of math,
Correct word order
math lessons
show examples
 to expand his mathematical knowledge.
Conclusion
In conclusion, teenagers are more likely to be motivated
,
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apply
show examples
 when it comes to
subjects
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 they enjoy, improving their academic abilities
regarding
Change preposition
in a
show examples
 specific area,
instead
Linking Words
 of learning everything, many of which they will not need in the
future
Use synonyms
 at all.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain why all subjects may still be needed, even for students who want to focus on one area. For example, maths, language, and science can help in many jobs.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. In the first body paragraph, add one clear example of how studying many subjects can give a student more job or university choices.
task response
The example about maths and chemistry is relevant, but it is too general. Explain the result: extra maths lessons may help the child enter an engineering or finance course later.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, after saying that students become well-rounded, explain how this gives them more choices before moving to the problem of too much study.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the wording is not clear. Use short, direct sentences. For example: 'Studying all subjects can be stressful. Students may learn facts only to pass exams.'
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. 'However' is used well, but add clear links such as 'For this reason', 'On the other hand', and 'As a result' to show how one idea leads to the next.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both views and state your own view from the start.
task response
Your opinion is clear and stays the same throughout the essay: students should give more time to subjects linked to their future work.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can easily see the two sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly repeats your main view and brings the essay to a proper end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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