IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Introduction
In modern society, life has changed agreat deal, especially in
senting
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sentencing
 the lawbreaker.
This
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inculdes
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includes
a long method.
Thus
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, some people believe the
sent
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present
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 activity is common.
However
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, others believe that the alternation point is the main method.
Thus
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,
Both
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both
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 points have significant values.
This
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 assay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in terms of the disadvantages,
according to
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 the primary line, there are many
deawbacks
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drawbacks
.
This
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 is
due to
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 many reasons. The
transporting
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transportation
 way is one of the main
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
.
This
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 is
due to
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 the limited
cars
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number of cars
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 in the city. The limited
stratigy
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strategy
 is another main part.
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for
Capitalize the word
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 the day skills
is
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are
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 not clear.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, in terms of the advantages,
according to
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 the secondary line, there are many benefits.
This
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 is
due to
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 many reasons. The present
the
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apply
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working place is the main feature.
As a result
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,
this
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 will increase the
worker
Check wording
number of workers
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 in the local community. The increasing of the outcome and the income is
anothe
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another
 major reason.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in terms
od
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of
 advantages and disadvantages,
according to
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 the given data, there are many benefits.
However
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, there are major
hamful
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harmful
 points. Both views have significant marks.
Hence
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,
aacording
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according
 to the main opinion,
i
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I
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 believe that the second part is the best opinion.
This
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 is
due to
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 the clear impact.
Thus
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, the government recommends people follow the right tips for positive
result
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results
show examples
 and best life.

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task response
Answer the real question first. Write about prison for all people who break the law, and other ways for minor crimes, such as work for the local area.
task response
Give your own view clearly. For example, say that prison is right for serious crime, but work for the local area can be better for minor crime.
task response
Use clear reasons. Prison can keep the public safe. Local work can help the area and may help a person change.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic. Do not write about cars, city travel, or work income unless you show how they link to crime and punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one clear idea. First, explain why some people want prison. Then, explain why others want other forms of punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in the right way: “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat general lines such as “there are many reasons” or “both views have value”. Say what the reasons are.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is clear and has the right meaning. Some words, such as “primary line”, “secondary line”, and “given data”, do not fit this essay.
task response
You try to discuss two sides and you give a final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “However”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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