IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in law.
This
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 includes how lawbreakers are changed. Some
people
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 believe that lawbreaker is common .
However
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, others believe that the law is difficult.
Thus
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, both views have significant
points
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.
This
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 assay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
One
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one
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 hand, in terms of the disadvantages,
according to
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 the primary view,
according to
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 the given data, there are many dramatic tips.
First,
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according to
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 the Kuwait Law Report, 99% of
people
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 prefer the local sent.
This
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 is
due to
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 the main reasons. The random organisation is
one
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 of the most negative
points
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 can increase crime.
Moreover
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, the complex role is another main drawback.
This
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 will make it difficult.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, in terms of the advantages,
according to
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 the secondary view,
according to
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 the given data, there are many significant skills.
Firstly
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,
according to
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 the Kuwait Crime Report, 100% of
people
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 prefer the second view.
This
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 is
due to
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 many significant reasons. Education is
one
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 of the main positive parts.
This
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 will decrease the problem.
In addition
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, the community word can decrease the problem.
Also
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, it can help the lawbreakers.
As a result
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, the crime will be removed. The
Conclusion
In conclusion,
according to
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 the advantages and disadvantages,
according to
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 the main report, and
according to
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 the given information, there are many significant benefits.
However
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, there are major harmful
points
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.
Thus
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, both views have important
points
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.
Hence
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, the government recommends
people
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 follow the right tips for positive results and best life.

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task response
Answer the real question. Discuss prison for all lawbreakers and other ways for minor crimes, such as work for the local community. Your essay talks about law in a very general way, so the main question is not fully answered.
task response
Give your own clear view. For example, say that prison is needed for serious crimes, but community work, fines, or classes may be better for minor crimes. State this view in the first part and again at the end.
task response
Explain each idea with a clear reason. Prison can keep dangerous people away from others, but it can cost a lot and may not help people change. Community work can help the area and teach people to take care of others.
task response
Do not use made-up reports or numbers unless the question gives them. The Kuwait reports and the very high numbers are not needed and do not support your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reasons for prison, reasons for other punishments, and conclusion. Each part should focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences clear. For example: “Some people support prison because it protects the public.” Then explain this idea before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating phrases such as “according to the given data” and “this is due to.” Use links only when they fit: “However,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “In contrast.”
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and complete sentences. “Community word” should be “community work,” and the last sentence in the second main part is not complete. Clear, short sentences will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You try to show both sides of the issue, and you include a final paragraph with your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This basic shape is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “First,” “Moreover,” “In addition,” and “However,” to connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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