IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In a number of countries, some people think it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The transportation enhancement is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial issue
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. Other people debate
invetment
Correct your spelling
investment
 in establishing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
 line as
shuttle
Correct article usage
a shuttle
show examples
 between cities in specific countries. The other people consider
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 resources must
to
Verb problem
be
show examples
 put on enchancing existing public
transport
Use synonyms
. I think both
two
Check wording
types of
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
 are essential
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 balanced develipment is needed.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, creating
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
 line as
shuttle
Correct article usage
a shuttle
show examples
 between cities is the responsibility of the central government. It will
promoted
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 balancing development among
cites
Use the right word
cities
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, open fast
railway
Use synonyms
 line from
metropolis
Correct article usage
a metropolis
show examples
 to
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 that elevating convenience of
transpotation
Correct your spelling
transportation
. It would be promoted
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 go to small
Use synonyms
city desire
Check wording
cities
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 improve economic and tourism advancement.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, ameliorating
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 is the priority task for the
city
Use synonyms
 government. The transportation in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 not only affects
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 residents who face it every day. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 worker, student, or local residents often use public
transport
Use synonyms
 to commute between home and destination. Improving existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 can
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 citizen satisfaction.
Conclusion
In conclusion, whether it's constructing new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines or improving existing public
transport
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 I believe both are equally important and
then
Linking Words
 can balanced development be achieved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the question. However, explain more clearly why fast trains need large sums of money and why this may be worth it.
task response
Make your opinion more direct. Say that both should be improved, but state which one should get more money first and why.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are too general. Give a clear example, such as a fast train cutting a trip from three hours to one hour, or more buses helping people get to work on time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, first view, second view, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with a clear main idea. Then add one reason, one example, and one result. This will make each point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Phrases like “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are good, but some links are not clear, such as “and then improve economic and tourism advancement.” Write shorter, clearer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “promoted” and “improving” too often. Use simple words such as “help,” “make,” “give,” and “allow” to show the connection between ideas.
task response
You cover both spending choices and give the view that both types of transport matter.
task response
The point about better city transport helping workers, students, and local people is useful and close to real life.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs for the two views is clear and effective.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main idea about balanced transport growth.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • urban mobility
  • commuters
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
  • rejuvenate
  • cost-effective
  • traffic congestion
  • economic sustainability
  • tourism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: