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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The bar graph shows data on the
number
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 enrolled in three different types
(primary
Change preposition
of school programs (primary
show examples
school
Use synonyms
, secondary
school
Use synonyms
 and tertiary
school
Use synonyms
)
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 program.
Overall
Linking Words
, when the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 in three different
school
Use synonyms
 types between 1990 and 1998, which surpassed the target in tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 at
target
Correct article usage
the target
show examples
 level. There was a downward trend in developing
countries
Use synonyms
 in three different
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
, which
Check wording
levels, which
show examples
 gradually decreased throughout
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
. Developed
countries
Use synonyms
 recorded a higher
number
Use synonyms
 than developing
countries
Use synonyms
 between 95 and 96 from 1990
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 1998. It reached closely at target. In secondary
education
Use synonyms
, developed
countries
Use synonyms
 increased steadily
number
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, developing
countries
Use synonyms
 fall
both of years
Change preposition
behind
show examples
 in secondary
education
Use synonyms
. Tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 was recorded about 105 and 112
girls
Use synonyms
 between 1990 and 1998 by developed
countries
Use synonyms
, which
there was
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
 increase,
whereas
Linking Words
 developing
countries
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest figure 66 and 75 in 1990 and 1998, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, girls, school, countries, education with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • number
  • girls
  • boys
  • enrolled
  • education
  • primary
  • secondary
  • higher
  • ratio
  • indicate
  • barriers
  • accessible
  • significant
  • decline
  • pursuing
  • features
  • comparisons
  • gender
  • equality
  • societal
  • norms
  • progress
  • issues
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