IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

task1: The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
task1: The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.
The table gives information about
proportion
Replace the word
the proportional
 participation of
women
Use synonyms
 in
different three
Correct word order
three different
show examples
 companies in senior administration from 1975 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, There were considerably increase in
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 participation in
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
, which was the highest at %64 in 2015. The second
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
highest
participated
Replace the word
participation
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in Bamfort accounted for at 46 % in 2015,
while
Linking Words
Finsbury
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 increased slightly over the years, which was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
participated
Replace the word
participation
 of
women
Use synonyms
 at 26% in 2015. In 1976,
Use synonyms
Finsbury
Correct article usage
the Finsbury
show examples
 company
was
Verb problem
had the
show examples
 highest
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 remained the latest. After which, in 1980,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
, compared to companies,
Bamfort
Correct your spelling
Bamforth Ltd
ltd
Use synonyms
 came second place,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 in 1985 surpassed Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
, which
higher
Verb problem
was higher
show examples
 than Bamforth and
Eldan
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
ltd
Capitalize the proper name
Ltd
show examples
 accounted for at 14%. In 1990,
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 was highest
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participated
Replace the word
participating
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Finsbury
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
ltd took place second order
Correct word order
Ltd came in second place
show examples
. In 2000, the result was
familiar with
Correct word choice
the same as
show examples
 in 1990, the latest company was Bamfort, which was at 17%. In 2015, the highest participation of
women
Use synonyms
 was in
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
, which accounted for 64%, Bamforth passed
Finsbury
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
ltd
Capitalize the proper name
Ltd
show examples
 at 46 % and 26%, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, eldan, ltd, finsbury with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • the proportion of women
  • senior management positions
  • female representation
  • participation rate
  • accounted for
  • stood at
  • rose from ... to ...
  • increased steadily
  • grew significantly
  • experienced a slight rise
  • remained relatively stable
  • fluctuated over the period
  • reached a peak of
  • recorded the highest figure
  • had the lowest percentage
  • overtook the other companies
  • a noticeable gap
  • by the end of the period
What to do next:
Look at other essays: