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Band 5

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
University
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial to
students
Use synonyms
 than society;
therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 need to pay full costs for
Use synonyms
studies
Correct determiner usage
their studies
show examples
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as the
education
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 will create their
career
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 in the future
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 has advantages for society as graduates contribute to the country's development.
Body paragraph 1
The major reason why
students
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 mainly benefit from
university
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education
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 is that they will have more
career
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 opportunities, better-paid and more stable jobs.
Students
Use synonyms
 during their
education
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 at
university
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 receive a lot of useful knowledge and experience for their
further
Linking Words
career
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 growth.
For example
Linking Words
, medical
students
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 during their learning period educate a lot of beneficial information and practical skills,
as well as
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
general understanding. It helps them in the future to become professionals in their sphere.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
University
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 of
education
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 give student major prospects.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 should not pay the full costs for
Use synonyms
studies
Correct determiner usage
their studies
show examples
. The reason is that society has advantages from educating people. Younger generations can create new ideas,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can perform new and productive tasks.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, when
students
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 graduated from the
university
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, they contributed to developing their country.
For instance
Linking Words
, Uzbekistan has the "El-yurt umidi" foundation, where clever
students
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 can study at different types of foreign
university
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 by the government. The government pays the
students
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'
university
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 tuition fees. After they finished their
studies
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, they work different workplaces , and they applied their knowledge and methods
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing
country
Check wording
countries
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
university
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 should support
students
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 in their
studies
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
students
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 should pay for their
studies
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 because it helps build a
career
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 as
Correct article usage
a
show examples
professional
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 , studying
students
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 help to evolve every system,
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 universities should
also
Linking Words
 pay for
students
Use synonyms
'
studies
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give your view more clearly in the introduction. Say that you partly disagree because university helps both students and the wider public.
task response
Develop the main point about public benefit more fully. Explain how doctors, teachers, and engineers help people, not only the country.
task response
Your example from Uzbekistan is useful, but make the link clearer: public money for study can return to society through skilled work and new ideas.
task response
The final paragraph has a mixed message. Do not first say students should pay, then say universities should pay. State one clear plan, such as shared costs between students and the government.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this shape in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one direct main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “students”, “studies”, and “education” too often. You can sometimes use “graduates”, “learners”, or “higher education”.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentences that are hard to understand, such as “The University of education give student major prospects.” Write a simple, direct sentence instead: “University education gives students better job chances.”
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear general view that university helps students and society.
task response
The medical-student example and the Uzbekistan example are relevant and support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order, moving from personal benefits to benefits for society.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, including “therefore”, “nevertheless”, and “for instance”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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