IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that men a nd women have different qualities, thearefore certain jobs are suitable for men and other for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Are
women
Use synonyms
 able to
work
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 in
mens
Check wording
men's
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 ?
such
Linking Words
 as building , tailor . In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
work
Use synonyms
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for two reasons .
Women
Use synonyms
 need to be
more strong
Replace the word
stronger
 and
less
Verb problem
have less
show examples
 stress .
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
Men
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours without
tired
Verb problem
getting tired
show examples
 . because they are stronger than
women
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
according
Capitalize the word
According
show examples
 to the researches mens can endure more than
women
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 makes
mens
Correct your spelling
men
work
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 in hard works
for example
Linking Words
 , building high towers , and working in mines .
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
Men
Use synonyms
 cant
work
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 in places that include
women
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 staff
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as makeup ,
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 uniforms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 He
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 have
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 and ability to
work
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 there .
Conclusion
In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Women
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 and
men
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 are not alike in qualities and ability , so
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that
men
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 and
women
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 have different qualities,
thearefore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 certain
jobs
Use synonyms
 are suitable for
men
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 and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 for
women
Use synonyms
 . Because
men
Use synonyms
 are stronger
and
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 they can
work
Use synonyms
 in hard
jobs
Use synonyms
 .
Women
Use synonyms
 are weak and
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
work
Use synonyms
 in other
jobs
Use synonyms
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
men
Use synonyms
 do .

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that some jobs may be more suited to men or women. However, your ideas are too simple and too general. Explain why strength is needed in some jobs, but also say that many jobs need skill, study, care, or good ideas rather than strength.
task response
The second main point does not answer the question well. It says men cannot work with make-up or women’s clothes, but it gives no clear reason. Use a better point, such as men and women can both work in many office, school, health, and art jobs.
task response
Use clear, true examples. For example, a woman may work in building if she has the right training, and a man may make clothes or work with make-up if he has the right skill.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good start. Make each main part follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, example, and short result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear. For example, “Women need to be more strong and less stress” does not clearly support your view. Write shorter and clearer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Start the two main parts with “First” and “Second”, then add words such as “For example”, “Also”, and “However”. Do not repeat the same idea in the ending; sum up your two reasons instead.
task response
You give a clear answer from the start and keep the same view in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an opening, two main parts, and an ending. The use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader follow it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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