IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people's lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is no denying the fact that global
fashion
Use synonyms
 has a crucial impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
While
Linking Words
 it is commonly held belief that following
Use synonyms
trend
Correct word order
fashion trends
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 to dress is important, there
another
Verb problem
is another
show examples
 argument that choosing your colthing depend on
Use synonyms
trend
Check wording
trends
show examples
 has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact.
This
Linking Words
easy
Check wording
essay
show examples
 will
analyes
Correct your spelling
analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that nowadays,our dress styles should
influenced
Verb problem
be influenced
show examples
 by the
Use synonyms
trend
Correct word order
current fashion trends
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 it
enhances
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
 individuals to try strange clothes and different styles.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can wear what they want without thinking about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to be
opened
Replace the word
open
 to various cultures and traditions over the years.
For example
Linking Words
, recently, social media has shown a
trend
Use synonyms
 about the
syles
Correct your spelling
styles
 of
80s
Correct article usage
the 80s
show examples
 of different countries,
people
Use synonyms
 compete to
exhibite
Correct your spelling
exhibit
 their traditional clothes
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the world.
Body paragraph 2
In
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of disadvantages,some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that choosing your dress
depends
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on the
trend
Use synonyms
 has
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative impact on the person. When we follow every
fashion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
trend
Punctuation problem
trend,
show examples
 some of them are not appropriate to wear
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not express our identity ,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 what we
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to wear.
For instance
Linking Words
, in conservative societies,
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are not
allows
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to choose their clothes and should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
follow the traditions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, making your
syle
Correct your spelling
style
 is more convenient and respectful.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
 should wear what they prefer and build his own
fashion
Use synonyms
 regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the first question more fully. Explain how world fashion becomes strong: social media, ads, famous people, online shops, and travel all make new looks easy to see and buy.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start. You say it has good and bad sides, but your final view is that people should choose their own style. State if you think world fashion is mainly good or mainly bad, then keep this view through the essay.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how seeing a famous person wear a style can make many young people want to copy it.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The example about 1980s styles is useful, but say which social media site, what clothes people wore, and how this changed what people bought.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first explain why world fashion is strong; next give the good side; then give the bad side and your view; finally, restate your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main point. For example: "Global fashion is strong because social media shows new styles every day." Then add reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as "First", "Also", "However", "For example", and "As a result". Check that each link shows the right meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and spelling, as these can make ideas less clear. For example, use "This essay will analyse", "clothes", "styles", "because", and "identity".
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of world fashion, and you give a clear final view that people should choose clothes they like.
task response
You include examples about social media, old styles, and more traditional places. These ideas are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the writing a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as "On one hand", "Moreover", "For example", "Therefore", and "In conclusion".
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global
  • fashion
  • clothes
  • dress
  • wear
  • look
  • style
  • brand
  • label
  • shop
  • price
  • money
  • media
  • ads
  • post
  • like
  • world
  • culture
  • express
  • expression
  • culture
  • work
  • jobs
  • earth
  • environment
  • press
  • pressure
  • spend
  • buy
  • design
  • trend
  • brand
  • celeb
  • celebrity
  • internet
  • online
  • shop
  • social
  • media
  • fashion
  • trend
  • idea
  • choice
  • fit
  • color
  • color
  • cloth
  • fabric
  • hand
  • care
  • harm
  • good
  • bad
  • benefit
  • loss
  • balance
  • relation
  • impact
  • effect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: