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Writing Samples
Band 4

According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday is changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today’s world, the way
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy their holidays has changed a lot.
According to
Linking Words
 the employees working in the travel agencies, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend their vacations in a challenging way
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 contrast
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 peaceful holidays. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to some extent and will discuss the reasons in the upcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation always
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 more curious to do
adventure
Check wording
adventures
show examples
 in their life. They do
numbers
Check wording
a number
show examples
 of challenging activities during their vacations.
For example
Linking Words
, skydiving, bungee jumping, rock climbing and wilderness camping. All these are risky stunts that can take someone’s life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unforeseen circumstances.
However
Linking Words
, youngsters still prefer to experience them once in their lifetime. Doing these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of activities
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of achievement and excitement.
Hence
Linking Words
,
over relaxing
Correct your spelling
over-relaxing
 breaks
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 adventurous trips sound more engaging to them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 still prefer a restful break to escape from
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
 and
busy
Replace the word
bustle
 of their life.
For example
Linking Words
, they go to a peaceful hill station, sacred places,
quiet
Correct word choice
and quiet
show examples
 lakeside areas. These locations help them to unwind themselves and to enjoy nature more closely. By visiting different religious places, they gain immense inner peace.
Thus
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 mostly choose a tranquil retreat to rejuvenate their mood.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the way
people
Use synonyms
 want to enjoy their trips
to vary
Wrong verb form
varies
show examples
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual preferences.
While
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
 are eager to take risks in their lives, older
people
Use synonyms
 still prefer to have a specific break.

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task response
Make your view more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly if you mostly agree, mostly disagree, or agree only in part.
task response
The question is about whether the nature of holidays is changing for people in general. Explain more why this change is happening, such as social media, more travel choices, or a wish for new life events.
task response
Your two main groups are clear, but add more detail about the first group. Explain why young people choose hard trips instead of calm trips, not only that they enjoy excitement.
task response
Use examples that show a holiday place or trip. The list of sports is useful, but one short real-life example would make the point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, young people, older people, and ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link the first sentence of each body paragraph more closely to your main view. This will make the two parts feel like one answer to the same question.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using many linking words in the same way. Words such as 'however', 'hence', and 'thus' are useful, but make sure each one shows a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph say your exact view again. At present, it says holidays vary by person, but it should also state whether adventure travel is becoming more common.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer form: write 'the younger generation', 'these kinds of activities', and 'a sense of achievement'. Clear sentence form helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic by comparing young people who seek adventure with older people who prefer calm trips.
task response
Your examples of skydiving, bungee jumping, rock climbing, and camping are relevant to adventure holidays.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea, and the examples stay connected to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and a conclusion, so the essay is easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adventure tourism
  • relaxing break
  • escape the daily routine
  • seek new experiences
  • physical challenge
  • sense of achievement
  • outdoor activities
  • stressful lifestyle
  • recharge their batteries
  • social media influence
  • safety concerns
  • family-friendly holiday
  • package holiday
  • natural scenery
  • push themselves beyond their limits
  • personal preference
  • active holiday
  • tourist destination
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