IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays a few people take their family with them abroad whenever they got on a business trip. Is it a positive or negative in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

3.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The issue of whether
people
Use synonyms
 take their family with them abroad whenever they
got
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 on a business trip has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 idea ,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is dangerous to travel
abroud
Correct your spelling
abroad
 and take their family.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
Linking Words
 both arguments have their merits,I
firmely
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that it is benefical idea to take their family with them abroad.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for taking
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 family with them abroad argue that it is benefical idea because it allows
people
Use synonyms
 learning new culture and
knowledge
Verb problem
gain knowledge
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if
families
Use synonyms
 travel to China ,they will gain information about their
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who take their
families
Use synonyms
 with them can feel enthusiastic and delighted.
For example
Linking Words
,if
families
Use synonyms
 go camping or have an adventure,they can feel glad because they won`t miss each other.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,many who hold the belief that
people
Use synonyms
 who take their family with them abroad emphasise that it is hazardous because many countries have criminals and thieves .
For instance
Linking Words
,if a family walks on
unsafe
Correct article usage
an unsafe
show examples
 street,they might be robbed or killed by criminals.
In addition
Linking Words
,many
people
Use synonyms
afraid
Verb problem
are afraid
show examples
 to travel foreign country because they have not master their language yet.
For example
Linking Words
,if a family travels to
spain
Capitalize the proper name
Spain
show examples
,they cannot communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 .
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are
vaild
Correct your spelling
valid
 arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that it is
benefical to
Correct word order
beneficial for people to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 take their family abroad .The reasons outlined above clearly
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 can feel happy with their
families
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clearer answer in the first part. Say how far you agree, for example: “I mostly support this idea, but only when the trip is safe and the work plan allows it.”
task response
Focus more on business trips. Some examples, such as camping, do not link well to work travel abroad. Explain how a family trip can affect work time, cost, child care, and family life.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For the good side, explain why time together can help a family. For the bad side, explain that safety risks may depend on the city or area, not all countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good side, bad side, and end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “For instance” should be followed by an example that clearly proves the idea before it. Add short links such as “As a result” and “However” to show how ideas connect.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and ideas, such as “beneficial idea” and “take their family with them abroad.” Use simple changes like “this plan,” “family members,” and “travel together.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the final part stronger. Repeat your view and give the two main reasons in one clear sentence, rather than only saying that families can feel happy.
task response
You answer both parts of the question by giving your view and by looking at good and bad points.
task response
You use examples to show your ideas, including learning about other ways of life and problems with safety or language.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, two body parts with different views, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To sum up” help the reader follow the order of your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • business trip
  • work-related travel
  • bring family members along
  • maintain family bonds
  • spend time apart
  • reduce stress and loneliness
  • cultural experience
  • explore a new destination
  • work-life balance
  • meet professional obligations
  • attend business meetings
  • company-funded travel
  • cover additional expenses
  • travel and accommodation costs
  • suitable for children
  • safety concerns
  • personal responsibility
  • improve employee well-being
  • interfere with work
  • a positive development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: