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Writing Samples
Band 6

/ The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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/ The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of different types of
transportation
Use synonyms
 used in
Edmonton
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 is the most commonly used in
Edmonton
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 and
taxi
Use synonyms
 are the lowest percentage, which is
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
shares
Fix the agreement mistake
share
show examples
. Light rail transit comes
second,
Linking Words
compared to other
vechicles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
car
Use synonyms
 is the largest share,
Linking Words
in addition to
Correct word choice
and cars
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 accounted for 45 % of total
transportation
Use synonyms
 usage.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of light rail transit stands at 35 %. The figure for LRT ranks second.
Bus
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest, at 10%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
Use synonyms
taxi
Check wording
taxis
show examples
 constitutes
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 result with
bus
Use synonyms
, at 10% in
Edmonton
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are four different
transport
Check wording
modes of transport
show examples
 in
Edmonton
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the first figure for
Use synonyms
car
Check wording
cars
show examples
 is close to
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
half of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
. Together,
Use synonyms
bus
Check wording
buses
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
taxi
Check wording
taxis
show examples
 made up only 20 % of total
transportation
Use synonyms
 used,
while
Linking Words
 cars alone accounted for almost half. Together,
Use synonyms
bus
Check wording
buses
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
taxi
Check wording
taxis
show examples
 made up only 20 % of total
transportation
Use synonyms
 used,
while
Linking Words
 cars alone accounted for almost half.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transportation, edmonton, car, bus, taxi with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transportation modes
  • car ownership
  • proportion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • transportation habits
  • environmental awareness
  • government policies
  • public transport infrastructure
  • urban planning
  • congestion
  • environmental quality
  • future implications
  • adapt
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