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Writing Samples
Band 5

The maps below illustrate how Frenton changed from 1990 to 2012.

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The maps below illustrate how Frenton changed from 1990 to 2012.
The maps illustrate the changes that took place in Frenton between 1990 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Frenton underwent
sighificant chcanges
Correct your spelling
significant changes
 during the period.The main developments were the construction of
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
show examples
 and
golf
Correct article usage
a golf
show examples
 course,
while
Linking Words
cafe
Correct article usage
the cafe
show examples
 and park
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 replaced.
In addition
Linking Words
,the hospital was expanded ,and the theatre was replaced by
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
. In 1990,the Frenton consisted mainly of shops,trees,houses,and a playing
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
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 with trees.The shops
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 located in the south of the
area
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
trees
Correct article usage
the trees
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 next to it .There are
also
Linking Words
 houses
an
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the east of the
area
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,the playing fields with tress facility
located
Verb problem
are located
show examples
 in the north.At the same time ,some existing features remained unchanged.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
school,library,and hospital. By 2012,the
area
Use synonyms
 had changed considerably.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 houses
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 replaced by blocks of flats,and the technopark was constructed in the west.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
area
Use synonyms
 was redesigned to include several new facilities.
However
Linking Words
, the flats
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 removed,and the hospital was expanded.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the bank replaced
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 restaurant.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,the
area
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more developed and accessible.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in addition, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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