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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some of experts believe that a country is rich already economically, another improvements cannot make citizens happier. To what do you extend agree or disagree with this viewpoint

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Introduction
Being economically rich is very important for countries. Many individuals
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that if a
country
Use synonyms
 has
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy
show examples
 economy,
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 improvements cannot make citizens happier. In the forthcoming lines of
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall explain
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint and give my opinion
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost thing that should be discussed is that
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 economy can improve
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life and create more opportunities for
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 future. Because the government can provide
people
Use synonyms
 with better healthcare and education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there can be more job opportunities and high salaries.
Also
Linking Words
, the
country
Use synonyms
 can have better roads, transportation and infrastructure and can spend money on public services and social support
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 economy can make the cost of living very high. When
people
Use synonyms
 earn more money, it may increase the price of housing
food
Punctuation problem
, food
show examples
, transport and other services.
For example
Linking Words
, in wealthy cities
such
Linking Words
 as London and New
York
Add a comma
York,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 may
eam
Correct your spelling
earn
 high salaries, but they
also
Linking Words
 have to pay extremely high rent and other living expenses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, wealthy countries usually have a large number of factories, cars and
Dusinesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Increased production and consumption can lead to air pollution, water pollution and climate change.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being economically rich is important
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because it
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but can
also
Linking Words
 cause high living costs and environmental problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
country
Use synonyms
 should use its wealth in
truly
Correct article usage
a truly
show examples
 way.

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task response
Make your opinion very clear in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part. Then keep this same view in the whole essay.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Explain why money alone may not make people happy. You can add points such as health, safe streets, clean air, family time, and fair life.
task response
Develop each main idea more. After each point, explain how it affects people’s happiness. For example, high rent can make people feel worried even when they earn more.
task response
Your example of London and New York is useful. Add one clear link to the question, such as: high pay does not always mean a happy life because daily costs are very high.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the order stronger, begin each body paragraph with a direct main idea sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “First,” “However,” “For example,” “Moreover,” and “Therefore” can help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph is about the good side of wealth. The second is about problems. This is good, but explain each point in a more connected way.
coherence and cohesion
Improve some sentences so the meaning is clear: use “people say,” “a wealthy economy,” “earn,” “businesses,” and “in a good way.”
task response
You give both good and bad sides of a rich economy, and your points about health care, schools, jobs, and public help are linked to people’s lives.
task response
The example of high costs in London and New York is relevant and helps show that more money does not always lead to a better life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “On the other hand,” “For example,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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