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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 use the internet and smartphones to send
money
Use synonyms
 to their friends, family and businesses. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because it is easy, fast and useful.
Body paragraph 1
There are many advantages of transferring
money
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 online.
First,
Linking Words
it saves time.
People
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 do not need to go to a bank to send
money
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. They can transfer
money
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 from their home using a smartphone.
For example
Linking Words
, a person can send
money
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 to a family member in another city within a few minutes.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
Linking Words
online
money
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 transfers are very convenient.
People
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 can pay for shopping, bills and other services easily. They can
also
Linking Words
 send
money
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 to friends when they need help.
This
Linking Words
 is especially useful for
people
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 who are busy with work or studies.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages. Sometimes
people
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 can lose
money
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 because of online scams or fraud.
Also
Linking Words
, if a person loses their phone or someone gets their password, their
money
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 may not be safe.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should use strong passwords and trusted banking apps.
Body paragraph 4
In my opinion, the advantages of online
money
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 transfers are greater than the disadvantages. It makes daily life easier and saves a lot of time.
People
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 just need to be careful when using the internet for financial activities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, using smartphones and the internet to transfer
money
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 is a positive development. It is quick, convenient and useful,
although
Linking Words
people
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 should take care to protect their
money
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.

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Task response
Your answer gives a clear view: this is a good change. You also talk about both good and bad sides. To make it stronger, explain more why the good sides are greater than the bad sides.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear: it saves time and is easy to use. Add one more clear idea, such as how it helps small shops or people far from a bank.
Task response
Your example about sending money to family in another city fits the topic well. Add a more real example for bills, shopping, or help in an emergency.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each body part has one main idea, and the order is clear. Keep this simple plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use the same ones too often. You can also use words like "because", "so", "for this reason", and "as a result" to show how ideas are linked.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats ideas from the start. It works well, but you can make it more direct by saying your final view in one or two short lines.
Coherence and cohesion
Some points could have more detail. For example, after saying that scams are a risk, explain how a trusted app or two-step check can help keep money safe.
Task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear positive view from start to end.
Task response
You include both benefits and risks, which gives the answer a fair and complete feel.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader your view, and the ending clearly brings the essay to a close.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as "First", "Second", "However", "Therefore", and "In conclusion" help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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