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Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people are afraid to leave their home because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crimes but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

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Introduction
More and more people are having
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
 time
steping
Correct your spelling
stepping
 out of their home
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are
affread
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of crimes.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 is argued by some individuals that harsh
sentence
Check wording
sentences
show examples
 should be
taken
Verb problem
imposed
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others think
doing
Correct word choice
that doing
show examples
 little can avoid crimes. In my opinion, punishing the
ciminals
Correct your spelling
criminals
 can reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate, and it
ca
Correct your spelling
can
 be educational.
Body paragraph 1
Apparently,
crime
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 increasing
fot hre
Correct your spelling
for the
 past decade in the world. Giving
punishement
Correct your spelling
punishment
 for those who
diserve
Correct your spelling
deserve
 it is necessary. Depending on the
crime
Use synonyms
, the sentence should be given
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For those
Change preposition
Those
show examples
 who
commite
Correct your spelling
commit
 murder
with out
Correct your spelling
without
 remorse
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should be given
lige
Correct your spelling
life
 in prison and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if you have as little as misteminer can serve at least 6
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 in jail.
Serial
Correct article usage
A serial
show examples
 killer,
for instance
Linking Words
, should face the longest prison sentence.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if we don't punish those who
commite
Correct your spelling
commit
 a
crime
Use synonyms
, they will not learn from their mistake. One of
prison's
Correct article usage
the prison's
show examples
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 is for criminals to
contapelate
Correct your spelling
contemplate
 on what they did wrong. Most of the time
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 history
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 come from
uneducated
Correct article usage
an uneducated
show examples
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
.
Then
Linking Words
, providing education
while
Linking Words
 in
caserated
Correct article usage
a caserated
show examples
 can help prisoners.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the time those criminal history can help others, becouse the undersand everything.
Conclusion
In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the number of
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 can
reduced
Verb problem
be reduced
show examples
 by giving
shoft sentece
Correct your spelling
short sentences
 or showing mercy, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe punishing criminals with
hursh
Correct your spelling
harsh
 action can be
advantageouse
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 and educational.

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task response
Discuss both views clearly. Your essay mainly says that harsh prison terms are good, but it does not fully explain why some people feel that little can be done to stop crime. Add a full paragraph about this view, such as crime being hard to stop because it has many causes.
task response
Make your own view clear and keep it the same. You support punishment, but the last line says that crime can be reduced by soft terms or mercy. This does not match your main view well.
task response
Give more clear support for your points. Explain how prison terms may stop crime, and explain why education in prison can help people live better after they leave.
task response
Use examples that match each point. The serial killer example fits prison terms, but the last example about people with a crime past helping others is not clear. Say who they help and how.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for stronger action, one paragraph for the view that little can be done, and a conclusion with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “People who support stronger action believe that prison can stop repeat crime.” Then explain and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way with words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure each link shows the right meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long or unclear sentences. For example, split the sentence about murder and small crimes into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning.
task response
You give a clear main view that punishment can lower crime and may help people learn from their wrong acts.
task response
You include ideas about prison time, repeat crime, and education in prison. These are useful ideas for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the basic shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advocate
  • crime prevention programs
  • surveillance
  • community policing
  • deter
  • incidence
  • CCTV cameras
  • security systems
  • skeptical
  • unavoidable
  • deep-rooted
  • punitive measures
  • sustainable solutions
  • balanced approach
  • holistic approach
  • equitable
  • compelled
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