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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

12.Some people believe that all company decisions should be made by managers. Others feel that it is better to include employees when making decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 world is a huge part of our society. It is said that whether you are an employer or an employee, everybody's opinion matters.
However
Linking Words
, when it comes to company decisions, some people may argue that only managers should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will
disuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 whether it is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right choice to consider low-status workers' ideas.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, employees are not hired
for making
Wrong verb form
to make
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 crucial decisions.
That is
Linking Words
, it is true to say that most of them do one or multiple parts of their jobs.
For instance
Linking Words
, information
technologies
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technology
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 workers are
ought
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expected
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 to build programmes, debug their code, but not
getting
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get
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 into
financial
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the financial
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 nuances of a business. Not only
they do
Correct word order
do they
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 not get paid for it, since it is not their
responsibillity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
, but
also
Linking Words
 if they do, their employers might not like it, because they may assume they are not doing their work properly, needing external help.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, including others when making decisions is a key human
factore
Correct your spelling
factor
. What I mean by
that is
Linking Words
 everyone sees an issue differently. It could be anybody whose idea sparked in one's head, which will lead to
business'
Punctuation problem
business
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 success.
That is
Linking Words
 why it is vital to listen to everybody, not only people
that have
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have power over others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some critics might argue that some managers should not have any power, since they need to be responsible for it. If they are not, any decision will lead to a disaster.
Conclusion
To sum it up,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 my point of view, it is surely worth
of
Change preposition
apply
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it. Employers should optimistically see the opportunity to ask employees for assistance in
decision making
Correct your spelling
decision-making
. Including them in discussions will not hurt, but broaden the topic of
issue
Correct article usage
the issue
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 even more.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, but your main view should be clearer in the first part. Say early that managers should make the final choice, while workers should share ideas.
task response
Explain the first side more fairly. Managers may know the full plan, money, risk, and long-term aims of the company. This is a stronger reason than saying workers are not paid to decide.
task response
Give a clear, real example for the second side. For example, a worker on a shop floor may see a daily problem that a manager does not see. Their idea may save time or money.
task response
Some ideas are hard to follow. The point about managers having no power is not clear. Instead, explain that managers must take final responsibility, even when they ask workers for ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part begin with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the steps in your argument: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In my view'. Do not use links when the next idea does not fully follow the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your view more closely. State what kind of worker input you mean: asking for ideas, group talks, or feedback. Then say managers should still make the final decision.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as 'it', 'others', and 'anybody' when the reader may not know who you mean. Name the group again: workers, managers, or company leaders.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state that workers should be included.
task response
Your point that different people can see the same problem in different ways is useful and fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses a clear four-part shape: start, one side, the other side, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'Furthermore'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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