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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people thin thathaving more police on the streets is the only way to reduce the crime. To what extend do you agree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that there has been a growing number of criminal cases across
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as the police intervention
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial role. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as tighter scrutiny by police is an effective way to mitigate rising crime rates and
reduces
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 future offences.
Body paragraph 1
One of the significant reasons behind cop intervention across residencies is the way they guard the public from reoffenders. There are an increasing number of cops, who do regular patrolling during late nights to effectively protect the individuals against the criminals who
involve
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are involved
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 in heinous crimes. Effective patrolling creates a sense of fear amongst the offenders who
particularly
Verb problem
are particularly
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 link towards petty crimes,
such
Linking Words
 as theft, burglary and vandalism, as these are frequently reported
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 basis.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study conducted by the Municipal
Coorporation
Correct your spelling
Corporation
 of Chennai revealed that the
overall
Linking Words
 crime rate in the streets
over
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of
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 the city has dropped significantly by 40
percent
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per cent
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 after the involvement of officials. Not only
this
Linking Words
, but it
also
Linking Words
 motivates a handful of individuals, especially the younger generation
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 reconsider before committing a serious offence after knowing the harmful consequences
once
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of
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 receiving a sentence.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is extremely essential to ensure
law
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that law
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 enforcement
to deter
Wrong verb form
deters
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 criminal activities.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are some considerable
amount of
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apply
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drawbacks to notice. Effective
surviellance
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 systems have emerged in
such
Linking Words
 a way that
completely
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they completely
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eliminates
Correct subject-verb agreement
eliminate
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 the need for officials during the night. To elaborate, CCTV cameras
which
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, which
show examples
 have the ability to move across every
dimension
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dimension,
show examples
 are placed at nearly every residential area that can easily track the minor movements of offenders, thereby reducing the need for cops.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 high-end technologies exist to track these habitual offenders, there needs to be an active involvement of increasing cops in order to protect the law and order, providing a more balanced society towards the betterment of the nation.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. You say you partly agree, but the essay does not clearly say how far you agree or why police are not the only answer.
task response
Develop both sides in a fair way. Explain how more police can stop crime, then explain other ways to cut crime, such as better schools, jobs, family help, drug care, and fair laws.
task response
Your second main paragraph is too short. CCTV can help, but it cannot fully take the place of police. Explain its limits, for example, cameras cannot arrest people, help victims, or deal with danger at once.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The Chennai study is useful, but give more detail about what changed and why the police work led to this change. Do not use exact facts if you cannot support them.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons to agree, reasons to disagree, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. For example: “More police can reduce some crimes.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Some links now do not show the exact relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like “cops”, “officials”, and “offenders” too often. Use simple, formal words such as “police”, “people who commit crimes”, and “the public”.
task response
You give a clear reason why more police may help: regular night patrols can make theft, burglary, and damage less likely.
task response
You also include another view by discussing CCTV. This shows that you understand police are not the only way to deal with crime.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “For instance”, “Nevertheless”, and “In conclusion”, to move between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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