IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara Desert or the Antartica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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Introduction
In the modern era, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are travelling to certain places where the living conditions are hard.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend is
advantageous
Punctuation problem
advantageous,
show examples
 as it could encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to conserve natural resources and certain habitats, it could be risky for humans.
Body paragraph 1
There are a plethora of advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 visiting
such
Linking Words
 places. First and foremost,
such
Linking Words
 trips provide
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
show examples
 educational experience that motivates tourists to preserve natural resources and animal habitats.
Usually
Punctuation problem
Usually,
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 when a person
visiting
Wrong verb form
visits
show examples
such
Linking Words
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
the
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 access to drinking water is quite difficult, which forces one to
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the importance of natural
resource
Check wording
resources
show examples
 and how hard it would be if there were no clean water left on the Earth.
In addition
Linking Words
, visiting these
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 gives a profound sense of achievement and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding of
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
. As certain creatures are on the verge of extinction,
people
Use synonyms
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the importance of conservation and how they can contribute to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the earth a better place to live.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the downside of
this
Linking Words
 trend should not be neglected. Living in certain conditions could be risky for some based on age or physical fitness.
Human
Correct article usage
The human
show examples
 body can bear a certain amount of heat and cold. But exposing the body to higher temperatures could be risky and can make a person sick.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lack of infrastructure and medical facilities in
such
Linking Words
 remote areas means an emergency can become life-threatening.
For example
Linking Words
, in
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
 Sahara Desert, help might be hours or even days away
making
Punctuation problem
, making
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 a minor injury dangerous.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it could encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to conserve the natural resources or habitat.
However
Linking Words
, it can create a risk to human life. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 the education rewards are significant, the
risk
Correct subject-verb agreement
risks
show examples
 are substantial
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, only well prepared individual should undertake
such
Linking Words
 journeys to ensure safety.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. You explain the risks well, but the good side needs one more clear benefit, such as learning new skills or seeing rare natural life.
task response
Make each main idea more fully developed. For example, explain how a trip can lead people to save water or protect animals after they return home.
task response
Use more exact examples. The Sahara example is clear. You could also give a short example of how a guided trip in Antarctica helps people learn about ice, sea life, and climate change.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part structure is clear. To make links smoother, use simple joining words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “This means” to show how each idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the main point of each paragraph very clear. In the first body paragraph, separate the idea of saving resources from the idea of personal success, as they are different points.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match the essay more closely. It should sum up both the learning value and the danger, then give your view in one direct final sentence.
task response
You address both the good and bad sides of travel to hard places, and your main view is clear at the end.
task response
The example of a small injury becoming dangerous in the Sahara is relevant and helps support your point about safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as “There are a plethora of advantages” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote locations
  • unique landscapes
  • wildlife
  • sense of adventure
  • educational value
  • diverse ecosystems
  • trekking
  • icebergs
  • extreme climates
  • geographical formations
  • personal growth
  • local economies
  • tourist infrastructure
  • environmental and conservation issues
  • physical challenges
  • health risks
  • environmental degradation
  • delicate ecosystems
  • cultural sites
  • sustainable practices
  • pollution
  • equity of access
  • natural wonders
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