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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe it’s better for children to have stay-at-home mothers while others believe it’s better for mothers to work. Which do you think is better for a child, a working or a stay-at-home mother? Use ideas and information from the article to support your ideas.

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Introduction
The issue of whether
mothers
Use synonyms
 should stay at home with their
children
Use synonyms
 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some people believe that
mothers
Use synonyms
 should stay at
hame
Correct your spelling
home
 with their
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 idea for
mothers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that it is benefical idea for
mothers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that it is useful for
mothers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 argue that
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 are many families who need
money
Use synonyms
 ,so it is essential for
mothers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,if a family have many
children
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 ,they need more
money
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 to
offerd
Correct your spelling
offer
 the essential
thigs
Correct your spelling
things
.
Such
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 as food,clothes,
houes
Correct your spelling
houses
,and water.In
aaddition
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addition
,many people live in rented
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 and they must
puy
Correct your spelling
pay
 the rent every month.
For example
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,if a woman lives in
rented
Correct article usage
a rented
show examples
 apartment with her
children
Use synonyms
 alone,she
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
work
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 to
buy
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 the rent.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
mothers
Use synonyms
 should not
work
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 and stay with their
children
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 emphasise that
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 might be on dangerous alone.
For instance
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,if a child stays at home alone,the house might catch fire
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the child
died
Wrong verb form
might die
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,many young people
are feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 afraid when they stay alone.
For example
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,if a child always stays alone,he may become depressed.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mothers
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 if they need
money
Use synonyms
.The reasons outlined above clearly
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
demonstrate that many families need more
money
Use synonyms
 to afford essential things.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the main question. You say working is better, but your main reason is only money. Add another reason, such as work can help a mother feel happy and can show children that both parents can help the family.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how more money can make a child’s life better: it can pay for healthy food, school things, and a safe home.
task response
Use examples that fit your point. Instead of saying a mother works to “buy the rent,” say she works to pay the rent. Also, explain how this helps her child.
task response
Your second body paragraph gives reasons for mothers staying at home, but you do not clearly answer these reasons. Add a short reply: parents can use school, child care, or help from family so children are not alone.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the order clearer: give one idea, explain it, give an example, and link it back to the child.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On one hand” is for the first side and “On the other hand” is for the other side, which you do well. Add simple links such as “Because of this,” “As a result,” and “However” to show how ideas join.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match your opinion more strongly. Say that working is better for many children when safe child care is there, rather than only saying mothers can work if they need money.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and spaces after full stops and commas. Clear spacing will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the question and clearly state your own view in the start and the end.
task response
You include reasons and examples for both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “For instance,” “Furthermore,” and “To sum up.”
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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