IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the best option is to accept a difficult situation, such as having a job they do not enjoy or not having enough money. Others believe it is better to try to make such situations better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
Whether to accept every
situation
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 as it is in
life
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 and live
accordingly
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 has become a subject of debate. Some people believe that we should accept a difficult
situation
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 and adjust our lives
accordingly
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,
while
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 others believe that we can
change
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 our
situation
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 with our hard
work
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 and knowledge. In
this
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essay
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essay,
show examples
 we will discuss both views and before
conclusion
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the conclusion
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, will provide my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, people
who
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apply
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argue that we should stay in the same
situation
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 even if it is difficult for us. In
this
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way
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way,
show examples
 we can survive and can live our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 with adjustments.
For example
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, a person who is less interested in an administrative job and have low pay scale can stay in the same job, as it provide secured and stable income for
rest
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the rest
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 of his
life
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. In
this
Linking Words
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way
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way,
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 he can live with his family without any fear of layoffs and pay cuts.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others claim that
,
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apply
show examples
 there are several options to
change
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 our
life
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 by doing some hard
work
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 in
disciplined
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a disciplined
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way
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.
For instance
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, a person who is working in government facilities can enhance their knowledge about civil services and try to clear other competitive exams. In
this
Linking Words
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way
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way,
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 he can enhance their pay scale and can do very well for his family and himself.
Additionally
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, he can complete his dreams by doing some other desired jobs or businesses
in
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apply
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part-time and can achieve the satisfaction of working in his interested fields. By doing
this
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, he can increase his earnings and enjoy his
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work
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
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 balance.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, we should face every challenge in our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Furthermore
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, staying
at
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in
show examples
 one place will provide us
the
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with
show examples
 security
but
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, but
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 can lead to depression and anxiety. We should accept a difficult
situation
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but
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, but
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 at the same time we need that courage to
flight
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fight
show examples
 it back and
change
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 our bad times into
a
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apply
show examples
good ones.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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the
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apply
show examples
stability gives you
the
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a
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 long
life
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,
change
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 is constant. The best option is to accept a difficult
situation
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 and try to
work
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 hard to make it better and achieve
the
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apply
show examples
success.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, make your view clearer from the start: accepting a hard time can be useful for a short time, but people should also work to make life better.
Task response
Develop each main point more. Explain why a safe job may be good, such as giving money for rent and food. Then explain why change may be better, such as better pay, more interest, and new skills.
Task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are too general. Use one clear, real-life example and explain its result. For example, a worker can study after work, get a new skill, and move to a job with better pay.
Task response
Avoid ideas that are too strong or unclear. A person does not need to leave a job at once. They can keep a safe job while looking for a better one.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, first view, second view, your view, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part state the main idea more clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are hard to follow. For example, change “people who argue that we should stay” to “Some people argue that we should stay.” Use full sentences with one clear idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” work well. Do not use “In this way” many times; try “As a result”, “Also”, or “For this reason” when they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same person in a sentence. Do not change from “a person” to “their” and then “he”. You can use “they” all the way through.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion more direct. Say that people should accept what they cannot change now, but take small steps to improve what they can change.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and give your own opinion.
Task response
The job and pay examples are relevant to the main topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear parts, and the conclusion returns to your main opinion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept
  • difficult
  • situation
  • job
  • money
  • option
  • view
  • discuss
  • own
  • opinion
  • better
  • improve
  • change
  • plan
  • goal
  • effort
  • risk
  • skill
  • learn
  • life
  • work
  • future
  • save
  • decide
  • problem
  • help
  • step
  • stay
  • move
  • balance
  • decision
  • support
  • hope
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