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Writing Samples
Band 4

At present, the media affects people’s life significantly. What impact does this have on the society? Is it a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
There is a controversy between individuals about the outcome of the
Use synonyms
media impacts
Check wording
media's impact
show examples
 on societies ,either positively or
otherwise
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.
over veiw
Correct your spelling
Over view
, I don't support
media
Use synonyms
 development toward the community .
This
Linking Words
 essay will give the main reasons why
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
effects
Use the right word
affects
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 our lives negatively .
Body paragraph 1
On one hand ,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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general
Add a comma
general,
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 the base idea of
media
Use synonyms
 is perfect ,but the bad part comes when it
changed
Wrong verb form
changes
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 our lifestyle .
Firstly
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 ,
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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effected
Use the right word
affected
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 our
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
meetings
Punctuation problem
meetings,
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 that maked our relationships lesser and
by
Change preposition
apply
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then
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 it converted us to hommy people
,
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
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 sudden convert have many obstacles.
For example
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 ,people
strageld
Correct your spelling
struggle
 to do old things , like to communicate with
nieghbors
Correct your spelling
neighbours
 and relatives ,
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 sports ,
mall
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go
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 shopping and the main part is
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
Linking Words
overall
Capitalize the word
Overall
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,
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 changed our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, but what
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 changed the most is the
time
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 we study on because of the big
time
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 it takes .
Body paragraph 2
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on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand , I don't support
media
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 because
while
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 students and young individuals
stragle
Correct your spelling
struggle
 to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 in
media
Use synonyms
 and plan their future .When
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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came
Punctuation problem
came,
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 it
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
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more like a big community, filled
up
Verb problem
apply
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with new friends ,significant offers , enjoyable videos and daily news .
Moreover
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, all of these advantages are for the benefit of the producer who
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
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 money weekly,
while
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 others
stragle
Correct your spelling
struggle
 to leave his platform.
This
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 is a result of unhealthy
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
that changed the good idea of
media
Use synonyms
 from
a
Correct article usage
an
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 easy
why
Use the right word
way
show examples
 to communicate with people to a disaster that works for money .
Conclusion
In conclusion,I firmly disagree with
this
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masive
Correct your spelling
massive
 change .
Time
Use synonyms
 always changes, but when it comes to something new as
Use synonyms
media
Punctuation problem
media,
show examples
 we should know how to manage it
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say the change is negative, but explain the impact on society in a wider way, such as less real talk, less study time, and less time for sport or family.
task response
Give clearer main ideas. Your first main idea is that media can harm real-life contact. Your second is that it can waste young people’s time. State each idea in a short, clear topic sentence.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea. For example, explain how a student may spend hours on videos and then have less time for school work.
task response
Some points are repeated, especially time and study. Add a different impact, such as false news, stress, or less sleep, to make your answer more full.
coherence and cohesion
Make the essay plan easier to follow: introduction, one body part about real-life contact, one body part about time and study, then a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “On one hand” and “On the other hand” because both body parts support the same negative view. Use “First” and “Second” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words: “This means that”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “Because of this”. Make sure each link shows a clear reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from meetings to shopping, sport, and study too quickly. Explain one idea before you move on.
task response
You give a clear view that media is mainly negative, and you keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
You include real social areas, such as family, neighbors, sport, shopping, and study.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use signpost words such as “Firstly”, “For example”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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