IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. What do you think the adventages and disadvantages from this?,

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It's depend on the condition for
Keeping
Fix capitalization
keeping
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 in capticity is adventages or disadvantages.If we hope to protect the
rear
Correct word choice
rare
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
,and these
animals
Use synonyms
 need our help,I think captivity is
adventages
Replace the word
advantageous
. Zoos can protect endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 from hunting ,habitat loss and illegal trade. Captive breeding programmes may help increase the population of rare species.If we instand animal in zoos, just for enterminate ourself,I think
it's
Verb problem
it has
show examples
 disadvantages.Zoos should only be allowed if they provide high welfare standards and make a real contribution to conservation.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first sentence. Say that keeping animals can be good only when it helps them and gives them a safe, healthy life.
task response
Develop both sides more. Explain how zoos can save rare animals, and also explain problems such as small spaces, stress, and animals kept only for fun.
task response
Add one clear example. For example, a zoo may help a rare animal have babies and then return them to the wild.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduce the topic, explain the good side, explain the bad side, then give your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to guide the reader: First, However, For example, Therefore, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Your first body paragraph can focus on saving animals; your second can focus on animal welfare and keeping animals for fun.
task response
You give a balanced view: captivity can help rare animals, but it is wrong when animals are kept only for fun.
task response
Your points about hunting, loss of homes, illegal trade, and breeding show that you understand how zoos may help animals.
coherence and cohesion
The final sentence gives a clear main view: zoos need high care and should help protect animals.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal captivity
  • endangered species
  • captive breeding programme
  • wildlife conservation
  • natural habitat
  • habitat loss
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • protect species from extinction
  • public awareness
  • educational value
  • animal welfare
  • unnatural environment
  • restricted space
  • psychological stress
  • natural behaviour
  • ethical concern
  • high welfare standards
  • conservation project
  • release animals into the wild
  • profit-driven entertainment
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