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Band 5.5

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
The usage of
credit
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cards
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 by young
people
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 brings benefits
as well as
Linking Words
 problems these days. The main benefits of having a
credit
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card
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 are that it makes the
payment
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 process convenient and allows you to split the bill into several payments. The main drawbacks are that
one
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 can easily fall into debt and damage their
credit
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 score
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 often leads to less advantageous loan terms and conditions.
Body paragraph 1
One
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 primary advantage of being a holder of
credit
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cards
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 is that the shopping experience becomes more pleasant, as you do not spend time on carrying cash and coins at the bottom of your bag, trying to gather the needed sum.
Cards
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, indeed, make the
payment
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 process faster because
instead
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 of saving, you can
loan
Verb problem
borrow
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 the needed
money
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 from the bank and pay for it later. Another advantage of
this
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 is that you can split your purchase into several smaller payments and pay in
installments
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instalments
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.
For example
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, in
Moldova
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Moldova,
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 many
people
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 tend to buy new devices through
credit
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cards
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 because for many it is a financial burden .
Body paragraph 2
One
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 disadvantage of using a
card
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 is that
one
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 can easily damage their
credit
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 score. Since banks have strict deadlines for returning the borrowed sum and some
people
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 neglect their duties, banks usually take measures to prevent themselves from future problems with irresponsible clients.
Such
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 penalties include higher percentage fees and
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
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 from other banks.
Moreover
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, falling into debt is another disadvantage. Because of the postponed
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payment
Add a comma
payment,
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 it is easier for
people
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 to overspend
money
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. They always think that in the future they will save
money
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 and pay back
this
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 sum, but the problem is that saving
money
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 is not always
possible
Punctuation problem
possible,
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 as other inevitable daily expenses do not disappear.
For instance
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, many young adults in their twenties fall
in
Change preposition
into the
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this
Linking Words
 trap of ‘’free’’
money
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 that can be returned long after the purchase and
then
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 end up with several
credit
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cards
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 with overdue payments
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of rewarding jobs and
overall
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 financial literacy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the main benefits of holding a
credit
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card
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 are that young
people
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 can allow themselves to buy cost-intensive things without saving for them for months and make the
overall
Linking Words
payment
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 process faster and more convenient, and the main drawbacks are that paying by
credit
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card
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 can lead to
lowered
Correct article usage
a lowered
show examples
credit
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 score and less favourable
bank’s
Check wording
bank
show examples
 conditions.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make the response stronger, explain more clearly why credit cards are easier for young people to get now, and link this fact to the good and bad points.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: easy payment, paying over time, debt, and harm to a credit record. Add one more clear detail about the cost of debt, such as extra bank charges when a payment is late.
task response
Your Moldova example is useful. Make it more direct by saying how paying over time helps a young person buy a phone or computer. The last example is also good, but it is long; split it into two short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this clear order in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of ideas. For example: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For example”. This will make some long parts easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hold many ideas. For example, the sentence about young adults, several cards, late payments, jobs, and money skills should be divided. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the ending. You can give a short final view, such as: “Therefore, young people should use credit cards with care and pay on time.”
task response
You give a full answer with both advantages and disadvantages, and each main point has an explanation.
task response
The examples about buying devices and young adults with late payments are relevant and help make your ideas real.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the topic, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly state the main good and bad points of credit card use.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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