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Band 6.5

The bar chart describe the percentage of people by age groups using internet in the UK from 2003 to 2006.

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The bar chart describe the percentage of people by age groups using internet in the UK from 2003 to 2006.
The given bar chart illustrates the ratio of individuals from various
age
Use synonyms
 groups browsing on screens between 2003
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2006 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
kingdom
Capitalize the proper name
Kingdom
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, higher percentages of young individuals spent much of their time on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 as there is a downward trend in the
age
Use synonyms
 group from thirty to forty.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
little
Correct word choice
a small
show examples
 percentage of people above sixty use cloud for watching
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
. In
details
Check wording
detail
show examples
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of teen among 16 to 24 years old utilized their time on tablets was exactly stood at 80% in 2003 and
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 as the figure increased significantly in 2005 and
hit
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 a point
was
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 100 percent.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio decreased slightly in 2006
was
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 85%. 42 percent adults consumed wifi in
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
 as the figure continued to grow gradually in the coming years. As for the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 45 to 54, 60 percent residents paid the bill for cloud in 2003 as the percentage experienced an upward trend in the consecutive years.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
insignificant
Correct article usage
an insignificant
show examples
 portion of people
at the
Correct word choice
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64 sit in front of computers
for completing
Wrong verb form
to complete
show examples
 their tasks.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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