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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit the working hours that an employer can ask from an employee. Why are these law introduced? Is this a positive or negative trend?

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Introduction
There is an increasing tendency of limiting working
hours
Use synonyms
 on a legislative level. These
laws
Use synonyms
 are introduced to protect the population’s well-being, and I believe that it is a positive trend as it leads to improved quality of life.
Body paragraph 1
Enacting
laws
Use synonyms
 that limit working
hours
Use synonyms
 is essential at times when the government faces consequences of heavy workload
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
 rate of suicides. Workers might feel more inclined to end their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because of an unbearable amount of tasks and problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 reacts with adjustments in
labor
Correct determiner usage
the labour
show examples
 code that restrict overstaying in offices and protect employees’ well-being. We know these because of the high rate of suicides reported from Japan, the country which has always been notorious for its
overtired from work
Correct word choice
overworked
show examples
 population.
Body paragraph 2
I believe implementing
such
Linking Words
laws
Use synonyms
 is an overwhelmingly positive trend. The primary benefit is improved work-life balance, and,
therefore
Linking Words
less
Correct determiner usage
, fewer
show examples
 suicide incidents. When working
hours
Use synonyms
 are set by law, for-profit
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 are not able to overuse humans’ labor in their
interest
Correct word choice
own interest
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 ensures employees have enough rest and time for their loved ones, which often leads to happier output and lower stress rates among workers.
For example
Linking Words
, Norway's rigid working schedule
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 does not exceed 9
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 puts the country
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the happiest regions in the world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, enacting
laws
Use synonyms
 that control employees’ time spent at work is
due to
Linking Words
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 rate of stress and suicide incidents brought by extreme workload. Ultimately, these legislations bring more advantages than drawbacks by supporting employee well-being.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make your ideas stronger, explain more than one reason for these laws. For example, add health, family time, and safer work.
task response
Your view is clear and stays the same. However, show why the good points are greater than possible bad points, such as less pay or more staff costs for firms.
task response
Use examples with care. The Japan and Norway examples help, but the claims need more detail or softer words, such as “may” or “can,” if you cannot prove them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Each paragraph has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, explain how long work hours lead to stress before moving to suicide. This will make the first body paragraph feel less sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. “Well-being,” “suicide,” and “work-life balance” appear often. Use simple other words, such as health, free time, rest, and family life.
task response
You give a clear answer: these laws protect workers, and you see them as a good change.
task response
Your main points are on topic: stress, rest, family time, and worker health.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph gives your main view, and the last paragraph clearly sums it up.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Therefore,” “For example,” and “Ultimately” help guide the reader through your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental health
  • employee rights
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • absenteeism
  • exploitation
  • social justice
  • adequate
  • leisure
  • recovery
  • stress levels
  • motivation
  • focused
  • structured
  • manageable
What to do next:
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