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Writing Samples
Band 1

Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, there are numerous youngests tends to play with their smartphones every moment, which causes a
phenomonon
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phenomenon
 that
the
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apply
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children who lower their
head
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heads
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 watching
the
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apply
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digital devices
exsit in
Verb problem
exist
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 almost everywhere
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it would lead to deep anxiety among their
guadians
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guardians
.
Body paragraph 1
Technology develops so
rapid
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rapidly
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 that
seems
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it seems
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 it is needed in every area. Obviously, technology
proovides
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provides
 convenience and huge efficiency improvement for
the
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apply
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social productivity. People can not
complet
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complete
 things without
the
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apply
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smartphones in many cases,
for example
Linking Words
, many students need
phone
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a phone
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 to finish their homework and
watching
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watch
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 some educational videos, so it leads to a dependence
to the
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on
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 digital devices
inevitablly
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inevitably
.
Conclusion
From my perspective,
this
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 phenomenon has its necessity
in
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at
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this
Linking Words
 time.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. Explain why children use phones for many hours, then clearly say if this is good or bad. Your view says it is needed, but it does not fully answer whether it is a positive or negative change.
task response
Develop your ideas with clear reasons. You mention school work and learning videos, but also discuss play, social media, games, or parents being busy. Give one clear example for each main reason.
task response
Add a final paragraph. Restate your view and explain the main result for children, such as better learning or less sleep and less time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reasons, your view, and conclusion. At present, the essay ends too soon, so the reader does not see a full answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. For example, one paragraph can explain why phones are useful for school, and another can explain why long phone use may cause problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of ideas: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Do not put many different ideas in one very long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is easy to follow. For example, replace unclear lines such as "Technology develops so rapid" with "Technology is developing very quickly."
task response
You give a clear reason for phone use: children may need phones for homework and learning videos.
task response
You state your own view near the end, which is important for this question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows that the topic is about children spending a lot of time on smartphones.
coherence and cohesion
You use an example about students and homework to support one of your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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