Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it can have negative effects on the children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these opinions?

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Introduction
For the
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The
show examples
advertisement
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is targeted
to
Change preposition
at
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children
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becoming more and more popular.Some people argue that
this
Linking Words
advertisement
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will
make
Verb problem
have
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a negative influence on
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
,so
this
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kind of
advertisement
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should
no
Rephrase
not
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be
showed
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shown
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in
the
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apply
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public. Others think
it
Verb problem
it's
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just an
advertisement
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,it may not
so
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be so
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serious that it should be banned cause it may not have negative effects on the
children
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.
Body paragraph 1
To some extent,in my
opinoin
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opinion
,
this
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advertisement
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can be harmful to
children
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,so I propose it should be managed strictly.Reasons are as follows.
To begin
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with,
children
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are so
beardlesst
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bewildered
that their
mind
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minds
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are not
already
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yet
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mature
,
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;
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in that case,they are not
avalible
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able
to identify
wheather
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whether
the behaviour is good or bad.
Besides
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,some
businessman
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businessmen
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only focus on their
one
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own
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interests ,so they can do whatever they can to attract
kids
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kids'
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attention.
This
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advertisement
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could affect
children
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's value of life and study
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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about
moral
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morals
.
Last
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but not
the
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apply
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least,with the rapid development of technology,more and more
chilren
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children
will be exposed to
the
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apply
show examples
various of
advertisement
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because they have their own phone to surf
in
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apply
show examples
the
interenet
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internet
.
Conclusion
Aiming at handling
this
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issue, I agree
some
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that some
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of the
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advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
need to be
stricted
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restricted
in order to help
children
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grow up
heathliy
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healthy
in both mental and physical
.
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aspects.
show examples
First of all, the
goverment
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government
should make
some
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a
show examples
policy to manage advertising,like clearing the line of bad and good
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advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
and fining some
company
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companies
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whose
advertisement
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is harmful to
children
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.
In addition
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, the advertising
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also should be
Correct word order
should also
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have the consensus to provide a healthy atmosphere for
children
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.What's more,
children
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also
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need to improve their
onw
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own
ability to identify.

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task response
Your main view is clear: ads for children can be harmful, but they should be controlled rather than fully banned. State this view more clearly in the first part and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Answer the question more fully. Explain why strict control is better than a full ban. For example, say that ads for healthy food or books can help children, but ads for junk food, games, or costly things may cause harm.
task response
Add real and clear examples. One short example in each main part would make your ideas stronger and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first part with your view, one main part about harm, one main part about what should be done, and a short final part. The last part now ends without a clear final answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each part focus on one main idea. In the first main part, talk only about why children may be harmed. In the next part, talk only about rules and help from parents, schools, and firms.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “In the end” can help. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are very long or have many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can see the point more easily.
task response
You give a clear view that children need protection from harmful ads.
task response
You include useful points about children’s young age, firms that want money, and the wide use of phones and the internet.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear move from the problem to possible action by the government, firms, and children.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “To begin with”, “Besides”, and “First of all”, to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
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