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Band 4.5

IELTS 16 Test 1 "In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out the history of the building they live in. What are the reason for this? How can people reasearch this?"

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Introduction
It is a natural human tendency to be curious and
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a natural consequence follows the question - how did the roof and structure that provides me shelter come to be? Given
each
Correct word choice
that each
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 individual's thoughts and circumstances are unique, there could
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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be over hundreds of reasons why there is an increasing trend in
this
Linking Words
 curiosity, in certain countries. I can outline a few of these and provide guidance to the best of my knowledge on how one might research
this
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
One primary reason for the increasing trend, and probably the most
obvious
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obvious,
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 is that many people in these countries are growing up and living in ageing buildings, constructed long before their birth. Blueprints, architectural decisions,
reasons
Correct word choice
and reasons
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 for building a certain kind of structure tend to disappear with the person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 commissioned the build and the team that executes it. The people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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then
Linking Words
 lived there for decades would know bits and pieces of the original
information
Use synonyms
, not piquing too much curiosity, but once all
information
Use synonyms
 dies away, current generations have a blank slate they are trying to fill.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, generations today have time and resources like never before. They have the internet, electricity, and water in taps
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 name a few conveniences that allow them to sit down in leisure and think, which would lead to these questions.
Conclusion
I am no architect, but I would say the best way to research the architectural roots of a building would be
start
Verb problem
to start
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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finding the blueprints. Local county offices would most likely hold all of these for permit and safety reasons. These documents will have
information
Use synonyms
 leading to the architect and a chain of
papaerwork
Correct your spelling
paperwork
 highlighting every owner of the building since it was built. If a given building is large or famous, local libraries will
also
Linking Words
 hold extensive articles and documentation of these buildings in their archives. Another interesting research method, and my
favorite
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favourite
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one
Punctuation problem
one,
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 is to interview elderly
neighbors
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neighbours
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 who live in and around the building. They will usually retain word of mouth stories, fables and gossip related to the building that I personally enjoy learning and is the sort of
information
Use synonyms
 that can never be found on paper.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear reasons, such as old homes and more free time, and you give useful ways to find facts, such as local offices, libraries, and older neighbours. Add a short final paragraph that sums up your main answer.
task response
Some ideas are too broad or not fully shown. For example, say more clearly why people today have more time, and why this makes them want to know about their home. A small real or made-up example would make the points stronger.
task response
Keep the focus on the history of a home, not only its design. People may want to know who lived there, what happened there, or if the home has a special past. Add one or two of these points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: reasons first, then ways to do research. Each body paragraph has one main job, which helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first paragraph shorter and more direct. The opening has long parts and does not clearly state the two main ideas you will discuss. Start with a simple answer to both questions.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler links between ideas. For example, use “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “Finally”. This will make the flow smoother and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Split them into two or three short sentences. For example, the sentence about plans, design choices, and the people who built the home can be made much clearer.
task response
You give several practical ways to research a building’s past. The points about public offices, libraries, and talks with older neighbours are relevant and useful.
task response
The idea that old buildings can create interest because early facts are lost is thoughtful and well connected to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The second paragraph stays mainly on reasons, while the third paragraph stays mainly on research methods. This clear paragraph plan works well.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Furthermore” and “Another” show that you try to connect your ideas and add new points in a clear way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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