IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer and the poor are even getting poorer. Some people think that governments are responsible for this issue, and others think it is the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
Many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 blame
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those who have
money
Use synonyms
they making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 and those who have less
money
Use synonyms
they losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 even more
money
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While,
Correct word choice
On
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 a group of
people
Use synonyms
 think
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has nothing to do with
this
Linking Words
. It's
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 individual
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it's
enterly
Correct your spelling
entirely
 individual responsibility,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain my opinion and discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both views.
Body paragraph 1
Use synonyms
money
Capitalize the word
Money
show examples
 management skill is one of the improtent skill
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 everyone should learn it.
why poor
Correct word order
Why
show examples
 are
geting
Correct your spelling
the
 poor
and
Verb problem
getting poorer and
show examples
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 making more? There is one core
differents
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
 between them. Which is
money
Use synonyms
 management.
For example
Linking Words
, when poor
people
Use synonyms
 have some
money
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
they start buying expensive
thing
Check wording
things
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 new car, a new house or maybe fasionable cloth.
while
Linking Words
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 when rich
people
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
 they
investe
Correct your spelling
invest
 it. creat new way to earn extra
money
Use synonyms
 using the
money
Use synonyms
 they got.
This
Linking Words
 is the main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 change.
ferthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 wisely
its
Verb problem
is
show examples
 individual freedom and responsibility.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize the proper name
People
show examples
 should focus on being rich, not looking rich.
Conclusion
on the other hand
Linking Words
,

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task response
Answer both sides fully. You explain the idea that people are responsible, but the part about the government stops after one line. Add a full paragraph about how the government can help, for example through fair tax, good schools, jobs, and help for poor families.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it fair. You can say that people must manage money well, but government action is also needed because not all poor people have the same chance to study, work, or save money.
task response
Develop each main point with a reason and a clear example. Your example about buying things and investing is useful, but it is too general and makes a strong claim about all poor and rich people. Use softer words such as “some people” or “in some cases”.
task response
Finish the essay with a short conclusion. Restate both views and clearly say which side you support. At present, the essay ends before the second view and there is no conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, government view, individual view, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Governments can reduce the gap in several ways.” Then explain that idea before moving to your next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “On the one hand,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.” Do not put commas after every linking word.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid questions in the middle of the paragraph, such as “why poor are geting poor and rich people making more?” Change this into a clear statement: “One reason for this gap is different ways of managing money.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea together. The first paragraph repeats the question and your opinion. Make it shorter, then give the details in the body paragraphs.
task response
You give a clear personal view: you believe individuals have an important role in managing money.
task response
You use a relevant example about spending and investing, which is closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides with phrases such as “on the other hand,” and your essay has the start of a clear introduction and body paragraph.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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