Some educators argue that every high school student should be taught basic financial management skills as a compulsory subject. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
money
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plays a crucial part
of
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in
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our lives.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that every secondary school student should be taught primary
money
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management skills as a mandatory subject, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
this
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can lead them to a better
future
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by teaching them how to spend
money
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in the right way.
In other words
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, letting them know how to differentiate between necessities
such
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as groceries and secondary things like socialising with their friends, can
let
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help
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them avoid financial debts in the
future
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by setting priorities.
Moreover
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,
this
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can let others know strategies
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such
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, such
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as budgeting. High school students can spread the information that they have learned to their parents and their friends.
As a result
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,
this
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can lead others to know how to manage
money
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which
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, which
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will create a better
future
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not only to them but to all their surroundings.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, forcing them to
study
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such
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a thing can lead to more stress because they will
study
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it alongside their main subjects , and
this
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with
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, with
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bad time
management
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management,
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can
effect
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affect
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their total grades because other subjects like science and mathematics
requires
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require
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a lot of time to
study
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.
In addition
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, they might view
this
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as unnecessary because most of them do not have
monthly
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a monthly
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salary's
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salary
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yet, which will lead them to see
this
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as not important.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that secondary school students should
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study's
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study
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basic financial management skills because
this
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can lead to less
debts
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debt
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for them
as well as
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better
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a better
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future
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in the world.

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Task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why money lessons should be a must, not just useful. Add one clear real-life example, such as a student making a weekly food and travel plan.
Task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more detail. For example, explain how learning about saving, debt, and a budget can help young people when they get their first job or go to college.
Task response
The point about students teaching their parents and friends is possible, but it is not the strongest reason. Focus more on direct help for students, such as saving money and not taking on debt.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep each body part focused on one main idea, then explain it and give one example before moving to the next idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “On one hand”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “In addition” well, but some links repeat “this can”. Try clear words such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “However” where they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. State your view clearly, then give the two main reasons in a short form. Avoid broad lines such as “there are no easy answers” when your view is already clear.
Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of the idea and give a clear view at the end.
Task response
The benefits you choose are on topic: wise spending, setting needs first, and making a budget.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear four-part form: start, one side, the other side, and end.
Coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as “On one hand” and “On the other hand” help the reader see the change in ideas.
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