IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation have not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solution to combat this problem? Support your answers with specific reasons and example.

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
At present, there is a growing concern in many
countries
Use synonyms
 about the ineffectiveness of their attempts to tackle environmental issues. I believe that one of the main causes of the
continuos
Correct your spelling
continuous
 environmental degradation is the enormous dependence on fossil fuels and other traditional
energy
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sources
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are many possible solutions to climate change, I believe that the most viable one is increasing the use of renewable
energy
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 and investing in reliable public
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transportation's infrastructures
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transportation infrastructure
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, it is unquestionable that global change is largely caused by carbon dioxide
emissions
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. Nowadays, industries, cars, trains and
busses
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buses
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 still largely rely on conventional
energy
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sources
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 to function, meaning that the level of
emissions
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 is not likely to
lower
Wrong verb form
be lowered
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 any time soon.
For instance
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, dependence on private cars is still a pressing issue in many
countries
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, deriving from inefficient and
unrealiable
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unreliable
 public
transportation
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.
For example
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, Milan is one of the most polluted cities in Italy, not only
bacause
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because
 there is a high concentration of factories, but
also
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 frequent traffic
congestions
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congestion
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.
Body paragraph 2
To tackle
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 problems, governments should invest more in renewable
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
, to lower the level of
emissions
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 and improve the air and water quality of their
countries
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.
For example
Linking Words
, solar panels could be installed in countryside areas or on top of cities' roofs, and wind turbines could be used in windy zones.
This
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 would provide a more sustainable and green
energy
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 mix.
For example
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, in
Sicily
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Sicily,
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 the government have funded many solar
panels
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panel
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 fields to improve their
energy
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 mix.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
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, a
greather
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greater
 emphasis should be placed on the impact of efficient public
transportation
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. If municipalities were to invest in modern infrastructures and
elecric
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electric
 trains and buses, the cities would register substantially lower levels of
emissions
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, because the increased quality of public transport would reduce the dependence on private cars.
Also
Linking Words
, public authorities could invest in cycling paths, encouraging people to bike
instead
Linking Words
 of using their
car
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cars
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would argue that many
countries
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 are not making any progress in the environmental protection field, because they still excessively rely on traditional
energy
Use synonyms
sources
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, governments should take measures to invest largely in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 and renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. Explain why past action has not worked, not only what causes harm. For example, say that some plans are too slow, laws are weak, or people and firms do not follow them.
task response
Develop each main idea with one clear chain: cause, result, and example. Your ideas about fuel, public travel, and clean energy are good, but some points need more detail about how they will work.
task response
Use examples with care. The Italy and Sicily examples fit the topic, but explain what changed or why the example shows the point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, causes, answers, and end. Keep this strong plan, but make the link between the first cause and the later answers clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “For example” too many times in close parts. Use words such as “also”, “as a result”, “because of this”, and “in this way” to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. The part about public travel is clear; the part about clean energy could first state that clean power cuts fuel use, then give solar and wind as support.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small grammar points because they can make the flow less clear: “continuous”, “buses”, “because”, “unreliable”, “energy”, “greater”, “electric”, “problems”, “the government has funded”, and “transport infrastructure”.
task response
You give a clear view and cover both causes and ways to fight the problem.
task response
Your main ideas are useful and on topic: fossil fuels, clean energy, better public travel, and bike paths.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs and a final paragraph that returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental degradation
  • Fossil fuels
  • Air and water pollution
  • Deforestation
  • Biodiversity
  • Enforcement of environmental laws
  • Illegal dumping
  • Over-exploitation
  • Overpopulation
  • Waste production
  • Resource consumption
  • Climate change
  • Extreme weather events
  • Rising sea levels
  • Consumer culture
  • Overconsumption
  • Renewable energy sources
  • Emissions
  • Stricter environmental regulations
  • Enforcement
  • Reforestation
  • Conservation of natural habitats
  • Sustainable agricultural practices
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Sustainable consumer behaviors
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