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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, fast‑food chains provide money to schools in return for promoting their products to pupils. Discuss the positive and negative effects of this practice on children’s development.

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
It has been observed that, these days
most
Punctuation problem
, most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 fast food
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some people agree,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 assay I will discuss the pros and cons
Use synonyms
effects
Change preposition
of effects
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I will start with the negative
effects
Use synonyms
, for the health aspect, if a child eat everyday
fast-food
Use synonyms
he
Punctuation problem
, he
show examples
 will be hooked
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 eating
Use synonyms
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 he will never prefer eating
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
 food,
due to
Linking Words
 gaining weight, so he might get
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
attac eralier
Correct your spelling
attack earlier
, after gaining
weight
Punctuation problem
weight,
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 he will be
inscore
Correct your spelling
insecure
 about his body, or
mybe
Correct your spelling
maybe
 getting bullying from his classmate،
also
Linking Words
 there are extra bad
effects
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. Fast food
show examples
fast-food
Use synonyms
 will make the students acadamic proformance lawer than before, because always
Body paragraph 2
fast-food
Use synonyms
 make you
laziest
Correct your spelling
lazier
 than before،
for Example
Linking Words
. burger with fries and
pepsi
Capitalize the proper name
Pepsi
show examples
, a meal with
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of oil, will let your focus
less
Verb problem
be less
show examples
 than before.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some pros for promoting
Use synonyms
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
 in schools,
for Example
Linking Words
.
if
Capitalize the word
If
show examples
 a restaurant start buyinng his own food in schools, his sailies will be
shine
Use the right word
higher
show examples
 than before, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
due to
Linking Words
increase
Replace the word
increased
 economic growth,
also
Linking Words
 always
fast-food
Use synonyms
 make any child happy and
exating
Correct your spelling
excited
, it could be a reason to make the children go to school, like a
gifit
Correct your spelling
gift
 for them.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
 the discussion, I believe there are a lot of bad
effects
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
fast-food to
Change preposition
fast food on
show examples
 everyone ,
spcial
Correct your spelling
especially
 for children
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 we try to balance
for making them
Change preposition
by
show examples
 promoting
Use synonyms
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
 once a
week
Punctuation problem
week,
show examples
 it will be an amazing idea.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Explain how money from food chains may help schools buy books, sports tools, or pay for school work. Then explain clearly why ads for fast food may harm children.
task response
Keep your ideas about children. The point about a restaurant making more sales and the economy growing does not directly answer the question. Focus on health, food habits, mood, school work, and how children may be led by ads.
task response
Give fuller reasons and clear examples. For example, say that free sports tools may help children play more, but food ads can make them want burgers and soft drinks more often.
task response
Make your own view clear in the end. You can say if schools should stop this practice, or only take money when no food ads are shown to children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph on good effects, one paragraph on bad effects, and a conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one clear topic sentence. For example: “This practice can help schools in some ways.” Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not put too many ideas in one very long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid starting with the bad side and then saying “On the one hand” later. Use matching links: “On the one hand” for one side and “On the other hand” for the other side.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and use full stops. Some parts stop in the middle of an idea, so the reader may not understand the full point.
task response
You discuss both good and bad effects, and you give a clear final view that children should not have fast food too often.
task response
Your health example is useful: you connect fast food with weight gain, heart problems, and less focus at school.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking phrases, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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