IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You recently bought something from a TV home shopping channel. The product that was delivered does not have the same specifications / functions as the one advertised on TV. Write a letter to the TV channel. In your letter; Say why and when you bought the item Say what is the difference / what is wrong with it Say what action you would like them to take

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to bring to your attention a problem regarding the item I purchased from your channel. The item is a gaming
laptop
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 from the Asus brand, and I bought it on September 25 with order number 254567. I purchased it in order to play games and perform my
work
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 tasks, as it is really powerful for the software I use for
work
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.
However
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, there is a problem that concerns me.
According to
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 the information you provided on TV, the
laptop
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 must have a Core i7 processor,
while
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 the
laptop
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 you delivered features a Core i5 processor, which is really unsuitable for my
work
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.
In addition
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, the
laptop
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 RAM is 8 gigabytes,
whereas
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 on the TV, the RAM is 32 gigabytes. I would appreciate it if you could take appropriate action to address the problem promptly because I require the
laptop
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 to carry out my
work
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 responsibilities as soon as possible.
Therefore
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, I would be grateful if you could replace it at the first possible time. Thank you for your consideration and time. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Mohammadreza Hadavi Bavil

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task response
State the exact action you want more clearly. For example, ask for the right model to be sent within a set time, or ask for your money back if this is not possible.
task response
Add a little more detail about the TV ad, such as the date or time you saw it. This can help the channel find the sale.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter is clear and easy to follow. To make the links even smoother, use simple words such as “also”, “because”, and “for this reason” to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the second paragraph only about why you bought the laptop, and keep all the wrong details in the next paragraph, as you have done. This makes the letter easy to read.
task response
You answer all key parts of the letter: why you bought it, what is wrong, and what you want the channel to do.
task response
You give useful facts, such as the order number, the buy date, and the two main differences in the laptop.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Each paragraph has one main job.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are right for a formal letter, and the tone is polite throughout.
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