IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.

6.0 / 9
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Introduction
Some individuals believe that a high
salary
Use synonyms
 is crucial when choosing a company to work for,
while
Linking Words
 others think that a good working environment is more important. I strongly agree that a high
salary
Use synonyms
 is more important because it can provide a comfortable lifestyle and avoid asking others for financial help.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a peaceful working environment can be considered as a backbone for many employees and
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
they prefer
show examples
 to feel secure rather than getting more money, which helps them to develop their skills in a quiet way.
In addition
Linking Words
, a positive working atmosphere can retain an employee for a long period of time.
For example
Linking Words
, in Saudi Arabia, 70% from the citizens choose to work as a teacher with low income in stable conditions rather than working as bankers with high salaries and stressful atmosphere.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working for a company with a stable and high
salary
Use synonyms
 is important because it can provide a comfortable and fulfilling lifestyle in many aspects of life ,
such
Linking Words
 as health and education and avoid asking people for financial assistance, rather than working in a good atmosphere.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high salaries can create a respectful life for employees and their families through the level of education and healthcare services.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK, 60 per cent of civilians have a high level of education
as a result
Linking Words
 of high
salary
Use synonyms
 intake.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 working in a positive and secure environment is better than getting more money, I believe it is more beneficial to have a consistent and high
salary
Use synonyms
, especially when it
is reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflects
show examples
 on your lifestyle.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. However, your last paragraph says a good work place is better, then says high pay is more useful. Make this clear: say that a good work place matters, but high pay matters more for you.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For high pay, show how it helps with rent, food, health care, and school costs. For a good work place, explain how it can lower stress and help people stay in a job.
task response
Your examples support your points, but the numbers seem very general. Use a clear real example only if you know it is true. You can also use a simple made-up example without exact numbers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. Keep this form, but make the link between each idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start the first main paragraph with a more direct topic sentence. For example: “A good work place is important because it helps workers feel calm and safe.” Then give one reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. For example, split the sentence about salary, health, education, and asking for help into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” work well here. Add clear links such as “As a result” and “For this reason” when you show cause and result.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss high pay, a good work place, and your own view.
task response
Your main reason for choosing high pay is clear: it can help people live well and support their families.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to follow, and each main paragraph has a clear focus.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • professional development
  • networking
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • mental health
  • job satisfaction
  • positive work environment
  • valued and supported
  • loyalty to company
  • long-term commitment
  • stress levels
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