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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that in order to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately owned vehicles should be banned from the city center, while others consider this idea an unrealistic solution. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
One proposed solution to the problem of
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion in urban areas is to prohibit privately owned
vehicles
Use synonyms
 from entering city centres altogether,
although
Linking Words
 others regard
this
Linking Words
 as an unworkable idea. In my view, a ban is the wrong approach, and governments should
instead
Linking Words
 invest in public transport so that fewer
people
Use synonyms
 need to drive at all.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly,
people
Use synonyms
 in cities often suffer from heavy
traffic
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, noise, and air pollution. If governments do not restrict private
vehicles
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 in congested areas, commuters face constant delays in reaching work, school, or appointments. Fuel is
also
Linking Words
 wasted
while
Linking Words
 cars sit in
traffic
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, and for low-income
families
Add a comma
families,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 wasted money can mean going without essentials, which eventually affects their health.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, banning privately owned
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is not a solution. If the government worked on better transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as metros, trains, and buses,
people
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 would not choose to drive because they have a better alternative. Driving can
also
Linking Words
 become extremely stressful
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 during rush hour. Everybody wants to go home faster, so the chance of
traffic
Use synonyms
 accidents increases. With better transportation,
people
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 would not need to take
such
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 risks. Accidents of
this
Linking Words
 kind can be fatal. A ban would
also
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 harm those who genuinely depend on their
vehicles
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,
such
Linking Words
 as disabled
people
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, tradespeople carrying equipment, and delivery drivers.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 congestion causes genuine harm to commuters and to
people
Use synonyms
's health, banning private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is not the answer. Governments would achieve more by making public transport reliable enough that driving becomes the less attractive option.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make the response stronger, explain more fully why some people may support a ban. For example, say how a car-free centre may make streets safer and cleaner.
task response
Your main view is clear: better public transport is better than a full ban. Add one clear real-life example, such as a city where trains and buses are cheap, fast, and easy to use.
task response
Some ideas need a little more support. The point about low-income families is not fully linked to the main question. Explain more clearly how less traffic or better transport would help them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, your view, and ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer first sentence for the second main paragraph. For example: “On the other hand, a full ban may cause new problems.” This will make the change of view easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same point about better transport. Join these ideas and use the space to add a new reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “for example”, “as a result”, and “therefore” can show the link between ideas more clearly.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you describe the problem, discuss the two views, and state your own view clearly.
task response
The point about people who need cars for work or because of disability is useful, direct, and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. Your main message stays the same from start to finish.
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