IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that a big
problem
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 is the
shortage
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 of housing in megacities. The
government
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 can solve
this
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problem
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. I partly agree that the housing
shortage
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 causes a sharp rise in housing prices.
Body paragraph 1
The major reason is that rising housing prices cause serious problems. Many
people
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 cannot afford to buy expensive homes because they earn low remuneration. The reason is that many
people
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 pay a lot of money for a rental house, after
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 they cannot allocate funds for other facilities
such
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 as school fees, treatment and rotation.
Therefore
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,
this
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 distrusts other cycles and makes living in the city difficult. The
government
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 should create new ideas and laws. It must ensure that houses are built smaller by the
government
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.
In addition
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, villages and distant areas should be modernised. There are needs to create a lot of opportunities like big cities. The reason is that many
people
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 move to other places , and
people
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 living
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people
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apply
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in rural areas remain own place.
For example
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, young generations choose their own areas for studying and working because they can earn money like in big cities.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
people
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 should contribute to solving
this
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problem
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. Many
people
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 should remain own villages , and they need to work in agriculture.
In addition
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,
people
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livingpeople
Correct your spelling
living
 in cities should build smaller houses.
For example
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, if
people
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 choose to compact houses, there are the
shortage
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 of housing may be decreased.
Conclusion
In conclusion, housing
shortage
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 is a serious
problem
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.
Therefore
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, only the
government
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 can solve these problems by creating new laws and establishing new systems.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first part. You say you partly agree, but the end says that only the government can solve the problem. Keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Answer the words “only government action” more fully. Explain what the government can do, but also explain what people, firms, and builders can do. Then say why these actions are or are not enough.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear cause and result. For example, say how more homes, better transport, and jobs in small towns can reduce the need to move to big cities.
task response
Use examples that are more real and clear. Instead of “young generations choose their own areas”, give one full example of a town with good schools, work, and transport.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, government action, other action, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “The government has the main role because it can plan land and build public homes.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For example”. Do not repeat “The reason is” many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences clearer. For example, change “This distrusts other cycles” to “This makes daily life in the city more difficult.”
coherence and cohesion
Check repeated or missing words, such as “people livingpeople” and “remain own villages”. These stop the reader from following your meaning.
task response
You discuss both government action and the part that people can play. This is a good way to address the question.
task response
You give useful ideas, such as making rural areas better and creating more work outside big cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion, so the overall shape is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, including “Therefore”, “In addition”, “However”, and “For example”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • public housing
  • overcrowding
  • affordable housing
  • rent control
  • property market
  • infrastructure development
  • sustainable living
  • rural-urban migration
  • real estate regulations
  • zoning laws
  • bureaucracy
  • gentrification
  • economic disparity
  • housing policy
  • social welfare
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