IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, the topic of qualities for males and females has emerged as a significant concern for the general public.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals contend that some special
jobs
Use synonyms
 are suitable for
men
Use synonyms
 and some for
women
Use synonyms
, I maintain that both sexes should have equal job opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate these differing perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, having many reasons why people believe that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 are suitable for different
jobs
Use synonyms
. A crucial consideration is that physical, which highlights that males are generally stronger than females.
For example
Linking Words
, it is noteworthy that
men
Use synonyms
 can do heavy work, like construction work, carrying, which requires suitable physical strength,
may
Correct word choice
and may
show examples
 be suitable for
men
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, another important point to emphasise is social bias.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
women
Use synonyms
 are more friendly and patient , which makes them suitable for taking care of children
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
nurse.
However
Linking Words
, these qualities are not for either gender.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that both genders should have an equal opportunity to career. A significant factor to explore is that nowadays, both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 have access to highly educated
.
Check wording
people.
show examples
 To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 perspective, one might refer to the rate of studying at university,
maybe
Correct word choice
where
show examples
women
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
may be
show examples
 higher than
men
Use synonyms
. So, we should not discriminate by gender in job opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is essential to highlight that people should be free to choose their careers on their skills, favourites, and qualifications.
This
Linking Words
 assertion is supported by the fact that if they have the necessary training and love, they can perform their
jobs
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 have different physical
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 qualities. I disagree that certain
jobs
Use synonyms
 are suitable only for one sex. I believe that individuals should have equal opportunity to have the best job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: men and women should have the same chance at work. Keep this view clear in every main paragraph. Explain more fully why skill, training, and interest are more important than sex.
task response
Give more real and clear examples. For example, say that a woman can be a builder if she has the right training, and a man can be a nurse if he is caring and well trained.
task response
Do not spend too much time on the idea that jobs fit one sex. You can say that some people think this because of body strength or care work, then show why this should not limit people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. However, some ideas are not fully joined. Make each paragraph start with one main idea, explain it, and then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple joining words more carefully, such as 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'Also', and 'Therefore'. Do not use many long phrases if they do not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because words are missing or the word form is wrong. For example, write 'There are many reasons why people believe this' and 'both men and women have access to higher education.'
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as 'maybe' in a main point. State your idea directly and then support it.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion that both sexes should have the same job chances.
task response
You include useful ideas about body strength, social views, education, skills, and training.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses a clear four-part shape: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: