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Band 3.5

Reserarch show that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. what is the causes of this ? what can be done ?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some studies demonstrate that some
habits
Use synonyms
 are valuable for health,
while
Linking Words
 other activities are negative. Despite knowing that millions of
people
Use synonyms
 have a bad routine.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
what is
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 and what
is the countermeasure
Correct word order
the countermeasure is
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Some
unusful
Correct your spelling
useless
habits
Use synonyms
 have a profoundly negative impact on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives and the way they think.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
sedentary
Verb problem
are sedentary
show examples
 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 are more likely to feel stress and depression
due to
Linking Words
 an unhealthy lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, leisure
time
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
people
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
to do
show examples
 detrimental things,
Linking Words
while it reflects on their health negatively
Correct word order
which can negatively impact their health
show examples
. It can be solved by using
time
Use synonyms
 properly and not
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 it doing what
people
Use synonyms
 desire to do.
Body paragraph 2
People
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 who
busy
Verb problem
are busy
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a positive lifestyle are more likely to be healthy and fit. Doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 regularly and
excallent
Correct your spelling
excellent
habits
Use synonyms
 have a
sigificant effect on
Correct word order
significant effect on people's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 lives esacially on their health.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who have
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 membership and commited with it regularly tend to be
more healthy rather
Replace the word
healthier
 than those who
sedentary
Verb problem
are sedentary
show examples
 daily.
This
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
 they used their
time
Use synonyms
 suitably and bridged the
time
Use synonyms
 gap with something beneficial.
Body paragraph 3
Im
Correct your spelling
In
 my opinion, negative
habits
Use synonyms
 are directly related to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 empty life, which can be solved by bridging the
time
Use synonyms
 gap and doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 consistently.
Conclusion
In conclusion, millions of
people
Use synonyms
 are engaged in unusful routins
due to
Linking Words
 they don't use their
time
Use synonyms
 perfectly, the mismanaged of
time
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 lifestyle. The address of
this
Linking Words
 is the commitment
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 gym workouts.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give more than one cause, such as stress, lack of time, or easy access to bad food. Then give more than one solution, such as health lessons, safe places to exercise, and help from family.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Do not say only that people have an “empty life”. Explain why free time may lead to phone use, poor food, or no exercise.
task response
Use examples that show the cause and the answer. For example, say how long phone use can stop sleep, and how a daily walk or a limit on phone time can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Your second main paragraph now talks more about healthy people than about ways to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main point. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to show the path of your ideas: “One cause is…”, “Another cause is…”, “To deal with this…”, and “As a result…”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, use “unhealthy habits” instead of changing between “bad routine”, “useless habits”, and “detrimental things”.
task response
You discuss both the reasons for unhealthy habits and a way to improve them.
task response
You include health examples, such as little movement, phone use, stress, gym work, and regular exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, a personal view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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