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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People have different opinions about the impact of advertising on our lives. Some believe it's beneficial, while others think it's harmful. Discuss both views and provide your perspective.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 different
arguement
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
 on the
effect
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
advertisement of
Correct word order
advertising on people's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 daily
living
Punctuation problem
living,
show examples
 where some
belief
Replace the word
believe
 it to be beneficial and
other
Replace the word
others
 to be harmful. I agree about the fact that
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
effect
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives.
Body paragraph 1
In recent days of technology and
advertisement
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 are influenced and trying to implement that in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
effect
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 health.
For example
Linking Words
, high sugar soda and
crips
Correct your spelling
crisps
 which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been advertised by
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 favourite superstar. Having them daily by believing that their favourite
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 it may leads obesity and
then
Linking Words
 to life threatening condition.
Body paragraph 2
There is
also
Linking Words
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 aspect of
advertisement
Use synonyms
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, providing information about mutual funds, contraceptive devices, sanitary napkins and more. These
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 help
people
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 from rural areas
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 know about
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 leading to
progressive
Correct article usage
a progressive
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 society.
For example
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 have gained knowledge of sanitary pads from
Use synonyms
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 on TV as it was really new in my country.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 have both positive and negative
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 me,
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 have slightly higher negative
result
Check wording
results
show examples
 compared to positive
Use synonyms
effect
Check wording
effects
show examples
.

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Task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, explain your view more fully. Say why the bad effects are stronger than the good effects, not only that they are stronger.
Task response
Your main ideas are on topic: food ads may harm health, while ads can give useful health and money information. Add one more clear point for each side, such as ads helping people find new goods, and ads making people buy things they do not need.
Task response
Your examples are useful, especially the example of sugary drinks and the TV ad about sanitary pads. Make them clearer by explaining the result for people in daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, bad side, good side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the two sides: “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “For example,” and “As a result.” This will make the links between ideas smoother.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, start with a clear main sentence about unhealthy food ads. Then give the example and explain it. Do the same for useful ads in the next part.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or not in the right form. For example, write “Advertisements can have a negative effect on people’s health” instead of “Some advertisement have negative effect of people health.”
Task response
You answer all parts of the question by looking at both the good and bad sides and giving your own view.
Task response
The examples are real and easy to understand. They help show how advertising can affect health and daily knowledge.
Coherence and cohesion
The four-part shape of the essay is clear, with an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use examples after your main points, which helps the reader understand your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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