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Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

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The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.
The given line graph illustrates the fluctuations in
baby
Check wording
the number of babies
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 born
figures
Check wording
apply
show examples
between 1920
to
Correct word choice
and
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 2000 in two major countries
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 United States of America and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is
an
Correct article usage
a
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 downward trend in fertility rates in both countries in the first years as there is a dramatic rise in baby
delieveries
Correct your spelling
deliveries
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 as the country
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
 good economic conditions.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries experienced a gradual decline in
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 over the decade. In detail,
infant
Correct article usage
the infant
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was about
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10 times in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 in
1920
Punctuation problem
1920,
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 as the figure
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 slightly in 1925
around to
Correct word order
to around
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 11 time and
then
Linking Words
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 again
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the tenth figure.
However
Linking Words
, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
enhanced
Verb problem
increased
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 significantly in 1935 and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 exactly because of
good
Correct article usage
a good
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living life style
Check wording
lifestyle
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in 1940,
China
Use synonyms
 experienced a
notably
Replace the word
notable
 decline in its
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 because of one child policy. As for more,
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 figure was 11 in 1920 in the USA
as
Correct word choice
, and
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 the number decreased in 1925 around
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was remarkably lower than
Use synonyms
China
Change preposition
in China
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 across all the years as the rates
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 up in 1945 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
World
war two
Fix capitalization
War II
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, birth, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • demographics
  • population control policy
  • One-Child Policy
  • Baby Boom
  • fertility rate
  • census data
  • fluctuations
  • societal norms
  • economic prosperity
  • Great Leap Forward
  • family planning
  • contraception
  • workforce participation
  • aging population
  • urbanization
  • trend analysis
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