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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There are two groups of people, the first
group
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 thinks that
teachers
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 should not give
school
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children
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homework
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 to do after the
school
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 day.
While
Linking Words
 the second
group
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 believes that
homework
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 is essential for
students
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 because it can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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school
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students
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 to understand their subjects in the long term. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both views before presenting my opinion. I think
homework
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 is an important part of education because a large amount of
homework
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 improves
children
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’s skills during their education journey.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason why some people think that
homework
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 brings
benefit
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benefits
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 for their
children
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 is that parents want their
children
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 to succeed in their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, some
students
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 around the world may be shy about asking their
teachers
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or
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, or
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 they need
from
Correct determiner usage
their
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teachers
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 to repeat information in the class.
As a result
Linking Words
,
teachers
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 know able
children
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 and
students
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 misunderstand
from
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apply
show examples
homework
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.
In addition
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, there are many talented
students
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are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 discovered by
teachers
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents dislike solving
homework
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 and studying at home. To illustrate, parents believe
students
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 have enough time to learn and study in
school
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.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many families who want their
children
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 to learn new skills or hobbies to increase their chance to get better opportunities.
As a result
Linking Words
, the time after
school
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 is own for
children
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 and their families.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both views are valid, but I prefer
first
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the first
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group
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 to
second
Correct article usage
the second
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group
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,
Correct word choice
because
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due to
Linking Words
homework
Use synonyms
 is a basic education
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 many
students
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 may not understand
from the
Change preposition
at
show examples
 first
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 need to review their lectures.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, your view is not fully clear because you say homework is important, but you do not say what kind or how much homework is best.
task response
Give stronger reasons for each side. For the first side, explain how homework helps children practise, remember class work, and find weak areas. For the second side, explain how too much homework can cause stress and leave less time for play, rest, and family.
task response
Use clear examples. Your examples are general. You could say that a child who does short maths work each night may remember the method better, while a child with hours of work may feel tired the next day.
task response
Your final view should be more exact. A good main idea is that homework is useful when it is short, linked to class work, and right for the child’s age.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the order of ideas clearer: state one reason, explain it, then give one example before moving to the next reason.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand, such as “teachers know able children and students misunderstand from homework.” Write shorter, clear sentences. For example: “Homework helps teachers see which children need more help.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Try “First,” “For example,” “This means that,” “However,” and “Therefore.” Do not use “As a result” unless the result clearly follows the idea before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the point of view the same. You move between “some people,” “parents,” “teachers,” and “children.” Say who you mean in each paragraph and stay with that group.
coherence and cohesion
Check key grammar in your links between ideas. Write “homework can help,” not “homework can helps”; “children have,” not “children is”; and “time belongs to children and their families,” not “time is own for children.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful link words, such as “For example,” “In addition,” and “On the other hand.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instills discipline
  • Deepen understanding
  • Independent learning
  • Reinforcement
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum insight
  • Burnout
  • Student stress
  • Leisure time
  • Relevance of assignments
  • Project-based learning
  • Interactive learning
  • Individual learning styles
  • Conducive study environment
  • Homework policy
  • Balanced approach
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