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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Introduction
Nowadays, a high proportion of people believe that authorities should invest a lot of money in
railways
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instead
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 of
roads
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.
Although
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 many individuals find that it will have more benefits for countries, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, mainly because governments need to invest in both
areas
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 equally, which provides
essential
Correct article usage
the essential
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 needs of each area.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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,
Roads
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 play a vital role in connecting communities and people, particularly in
areas
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 where railway networks are unavailable.
This
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 is because improved efficiency of
roads
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 can facilitate the daily long trips for drivers. Unlike trains, numerous public transportation
,
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options, such
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such
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 as cars and buses, are enabling citizens to utilise them for travelling directly to suburban
areas
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 of cities, remote locations and villages.
Therefore
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, spending a substantial amount of money to enhance public
roads
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 allows people to access workplaces, schools and other essential facilities easily.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason that justifies why governments should be more invested in
railways
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 and
roads
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 is that
roads
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 are
also
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 crucial for transporting goods. A large number of companies rely on trucks to deliver food, construction materials and other products.
This
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 means that if governments focus only on developing
railways
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, public road networks might face difficulties that can lead to inhibiting
transporting
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the transportation of
 goods in some
areas
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.
Consequently
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, providing financial support to develop
roads
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 has a profound effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic activity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, authorities should be balanced in funding for both
railways
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 and
roads
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 rather than concentrating on one of them completely. With
this
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 approach, they will be able to maintain the connection between the community and the transportation of goods.
In addition
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, the more they are equivalent in backing, the greater the guarantee of success for the transport sector.

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task response
State your view more clearly: you disagree because both rail and road need money. Then explain why rail still needs some money, not only why roads are important.
task response
Add a real, clear example. For example, rail can carry many people in a large city, while roads are needed for buses, trucks, and small towns.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear cause and result. Explain how good roads help people get to work, school, and shops, and how they help firms move goods.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the link between your first and second main parts clearer, because both parts are about roads.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a natural way, such as “First”, “Also”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”. Do not use too many long link phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words. For example, use “governments”, “roads”, and “railways” more often instead of changing to “authorities”, “public roads”, and “rail” in unclear ways.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences more direct. For example, write “Governments should spend money on both roads and railways” rather than “authorities should be balanced in funding for both railways and roads.”
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep this opinion through the essay.
task response
Your points about travel to remote places and moving goods are relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and brings the essay to a clear close.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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