IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little efect on public health and that others measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 me, upgrading the
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 could
make an
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public health. For some reason,
avaibillty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 will make
willing
Check wording
people willing
show examples
 to
workout increase
Replace the word
work out
.
For example
Linking Words
, kids or
teenager
Check wording
teenagers
show examples
 could not afford a gym membership because
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
to way
Use the right word
too
show examples
 expensive for them. Because of the improve from
sport
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for public
facilities
Use synonyms
, it could make them want to work out
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will make an increase
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public health
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 if it is just a little
efect
Correct your spelling
effect
.
In another
Correct word choice
On the other
show examples
 hand, increasing sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 should make a huge increase
of
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 budget for goverment.
and
Capitalize the word
And
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is
dissagreement
Correct your spelling
disagreement
 for me. In
this
Linking Words
 era, our
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should think
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 is more important for us beside to use our tax only for increasing sports
facilities
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 could
make
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 public health
lead to a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 better ways, but we should know
to about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what is most important for us right now.

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task response
Discuss both views in a clear way. Your essay explains why more sports places can help, but it does not fully explain why some people think they have little effect. Add ideas such as poor food, stress, smoking, and lack of time.
task response
Give your own view more clearly. You seem to think sports places can help, but the government should also spend money on other health needs. State this main view at the start and repeat it at the end.
task response
Develop each main point with more detail. Explain how free or low-cost public sports places can help young people exercise more, and explain what other health plans the government should support.
task response
Your example about children and teenagers who cannot pay for a gym is useful. Make it more clear by saying that free parks, courts, or public gyms may help them exercise often.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first view, second view and your view, then conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: “On the one hand, more sports facilities can improve public health.” Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: “For example”, “However”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. Write “On the other hand”, not “In another hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about sports places and public health. Add new points in each paragraph, then end with a short summary.
task response
You give a clear reason why public sports places may help: young people may not be able to pay for a gym.
task response
You also show that government money should be used with care, which is a useful part of your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, a point about sports places, a different point about government money, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use an example to support your idea, which helps the reader understand your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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