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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think children should obey the rules their parents and teachers set and listen to them, but others think less control will help children to deal with their future adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern world, there is a section of society which believes that
children
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 should adhere to the
rules
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 set by parents and teachers,
while
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 others think
,
Correct word choice
that
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 less control can help to overcome hurdles
,
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apply
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 they may face in future. I believe
,
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apply
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 there must be
rules
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 for them, but excessive discipline can hinder their growth. I will elaborate on my ideas in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, if a child's early life has suitable
rules
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,
then
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 there are more chances in later years to be successful.
Due to
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this
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 way of upbringing, a child can learn important skills,
such
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 as time management
,
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apply
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 and teamwork.
For instance
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, the
children
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 who learn to do their daily tasks in their early years on their own achieve more than others. These deeds can be anything, ranging from making their own beds
,
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apply
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 to basic hygiene. The kids having a proper timetable have spare time to pursue their hobbies, and it
make
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makes
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 them happy.
Rules
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 introduced by the elders for them
,
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apply
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 could be beneficial for them in future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, excessive discipline and
rules
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 can hinder the physical
,
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apply
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 and mental growth of
children
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. They may feel more controlled
,
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apply
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 and neglected.
This
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 sort of environment is harmful in the early period, as
children
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 brought up in
this
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 harsh way
,
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apply
show examples
 may not be able to make their own decisions in later years.
For example
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, in some cases,
children
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 raised with strictness may start feeling the lack of self-determination and independence because every decision is made by adults for them. They are not able
make
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to make
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 choices on their own, and always look toward others for help.
Therefore
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, excessive control is not good for
children
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, discipline and
rules
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 play a crucial role in the upbringing of
children
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, but if they are excessive in nature, they may impact their growth and development.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully how less control can help children in adult life, such as by teaching them to solve problems, take safe risks, and learn from mistakes.
task response
Your examples are linked to the main ideas, but they are quite general. Add one clear, real-life example for each view. For example, a child who plans homework and free time can learn to manage work later; a child who is allowed to choose a hobby can learn to make decisions.
task response
Make your opinion even more direct in the main body. State that adults should set fair rules but also give children some choice, then show how this balance works.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. Use simple link words with a clear job: “For example” before an example, “As a result” for an effect, and “However” when you move to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as “rules”, “children”, and “future”. You can use “guidance”, “limits”, “young people”, “later life”, or “adult years” where the meaning stays clear.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences need clearer grammar because this affects the flow. For example, write “it makes them happy”, “They are not able to make choices”, and “children who are brought up in this harsh way”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain why rules can help, why too much control can harm, and you give a balanced personal view.
task response
The point about daily tasks, such as making beds and basic hygiene, is useful because it shows how simple rules can build good habits.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the conclusion returns to your main view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful paragraph starters, such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
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