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Band 5

In the past, people lived in one place for a long time, but now they can live in many different places. What are the reasons? Is this a postive or negative development?

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Introduction
In earlier times,
people
Use synonyms
 used to live in the same areas for a lengthy period,
while
Linking Words
 nowadays they are able to live in various places,
due to
Linking Words
 career opportunities and
education
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it leads to a lack of stability and weaker family
relationships
Use synonyms
, in my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 it is a positive development, as it provides personal growth and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of life.
Body paragraph 1
One significant reason for settling
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different areas is job opportunities.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to relocate to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large cities or other countries as there are more jobs available. Some
people
Use synonyms
 resettle to find higher salaries and better working conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, at
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
 there are many migrants in the US
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who went there because of good income and employment prospects.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 move to other countries with better universities. Students can live abroad
while
Linking Words
 studying to get a high-quality
education
Use synonyms
. There are many university aids or
schoolarships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
 that
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 opportunities to study in top universities.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays students can
entry
Replace the word
enter
 the local universities or
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad, if they satisfy the requirements.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
 trend has many drawbacks, lacking consistency and
fraigling
Replace the word
fragile
 family
relationships
Use synonyms
. Constantly moving can make it
difficut
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to
buils
Correct your spelling
build
 a strong
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of belonging.
As a result
Linking Words
, individuals may struggle to establish long-term
relationships
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children have to change schools and make new friends repeatedly. On top of that, frequent relocation can create distance between family members. And
people
Use synonyms
 may have less time to maintain close
relationships
Use synonyms
, as they can not often meet face-to-face.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think it has many benefits, including self-development and better living
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
. Living in a variety of places encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to learn new cultures and lifestyles. As a
resut
Correct your spelling
result
, they improve social skills, become more independent and adaptable. Especially when
people
Use synonyms
 move to another country alone, they would not rely on their parents and
lives up for theirselves
Correct subject-verb agreement
live on their own
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, individuals can choose places with better jobs,
education
Use synonyms
, helathcare or living conditions, which helps them improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of their life. They can move away from overcrowded or expensive cities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to much more convenient and cheaper ones.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many reasons for
relocation
Correct article usage
the relocation
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as better employment options and access to
education
Use synonyms
. Despite the fact that
this
Linking Words
 trend may cause an
absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of stability and weakened family bonds, I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
outweights
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, as it
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 personal improvement and a high standard of living.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. You give clear reasons for moving, such as work and study, and you clearly say that this is a good change. To make your view stronger, explain more fully why the good points are more important than the bad points.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but some examples are too general. For example, the point about people in the US needs more detail about how work there changes their lives. Use one clear example for each main idea.
task response
Be careful with claims such as people can move away from expensive cities to cheaper ones. This is not true for all people. Say that this may be possible for some people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: reasons, bad points, good points, and a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, such as “For example”, “In addition”, and “On the other hand”. However, avoid starting many sentences with “And”. Join the idea to the sentence before it instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs have a long list of ideas. Give one main point, explain it, and then add an example. This will make each paragraph more focused.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and spelling because they can make the flow less clear. For example: “large cities”, “scholarships that provide”, “apply to local or foreign universities”, “fragile family relationships”, “sense of belonging”, “build”, “results”, “health care”, “standards”, and “advantages outweigh the disadvantages”.
task response
You give a direct opinion in both the start and the end, and your opinion stays the same throughout the essay.
task response
You cover the main reasons for this change and also discuss both good and bad results.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear plan for the essay, and your final paragraph brings the main ideas together well.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs for reasons, bad points, and good points helps the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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