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Band 3.5

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

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The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.
From the above , we can see that there is a
change
Use synonyms
 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
the
Check wording
tourists
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 to Germany and Australia
in1960
Correct your spelling
in 1960
 and 2010.There are mainly two reasons
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
 ,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 following paragraph will explain
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
improvemnet
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of
te
Correct your spelling
the
transportation
Use synonyms
 system is the major cause
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.During
1960s
Correct article usage
the 1960s
show examples
, the
transportation
Use synonyms
 industry was just in
the
Correct article usage
its
show examples
 infancy.There was a majority of
European
Fix the agreement mistake
Europeans
show examples
 travelling to Australia and Germany.
Transportation
Use synonyms
 was mostly used for transporting goods
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not really for travelling.Using
transportation
Use synonyms
 for travelling was a minority that only the Jet Set could afford the cost of travelling.In that period,travelling for entertainment was not common
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public.
Not to mention
Linking Words
 travelling to another continent.
Therefore
Linking Words
,in1960
people
Use synonyms
 would rather go
the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 places near their countries but not
the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 places far away.
Then
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 flies,
in2010
Correct your spelling
in 2010
,the transport network was already complex and complicated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the world was undergoing the
econmic
Correct your spelling
economic
 upswing.The percentage of Asian
travelling
Replace the word
travellers
 to
Australua
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and Germany increased significantly.Travelling was no longer an entertainment for the upper class
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 could
also
Linking Words
 afford the cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is common that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 would like
travel
Verb problem
to travel
show examples
aboard
Use the right word
abroad
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,one of the important reason led the
change
Use synonyms
 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
tourism
Check wording
tourists
show examples
 is the advancement of technology.In
1960s
Correct article usage
the 1960s
show examples
,the technology was still very
backward
Change the spelling
backwards
show examples
,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would only
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 from
newspaper
Check wording
newspapers
show examples
,television or radio.Those media could not spread the
information
Use synonyms
 immediately,so
te
Correct your spelling
the
 speed of
information
Use synonyms
 flow was slow
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the things they received were limited
due to
Linking Words
 the territory and
time
Use synonyms
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, it could cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great decrease in the interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 travelling to other countries.But the technology kept improving
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 easily get
known
Wrong verb form
to know
show examples
 about the news around the world. They could
also
Linking Words
 share their daily life on social media.The
information
Use synonyms
 spread
in a
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high speed without
time
Use synonyms
 and space
barrier
Check wording
barriers
show examples
,which
people
Use synonyms
 could
also
Linking Words
 share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel
information
Use synonyms
.So,
people
Use synonyms
 could find out
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
show examples
aboard
Use the right word
abroad
show examples
 is
captivated
Replace the word
captivating
 and
thus
Linking Words
 increase the number of
tourism
Use synonyms
 form another continent.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the above reasons are the factor lead the
change
Use synonyms
 of
tourism
Use synonyms
 to two countries
over50
Correct your spelling
over 50
 years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, therefore".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words change, tourism, transportation, people, time, information with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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