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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that computer and internet are important in children study,but others think students can learn effectively in school and with teacher. Discuss both sides and give your own opinions.

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
technology
Change preposition
of technology
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 around the world
makes
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
 a large number of people
believe
Verb problem
to believe
show examples
 that internet services and electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 are essential for
improvement
Replace the word
improving
students
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 others believe that school
students
Use synonyms
may be learned
Verb problem
can learn
show examples
 effectively
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their teachers in schools. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views before presenting my humble opinion. I completely agree with the first view because it brings benefits .
Body paragraph 1
Many parents invest in their
students
Use synonyms
,
whereas
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 they provide a lot of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 like laptops iPad and mobile phones, because they now realize
this
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improvement
Replace the word
improved
 technology helps their children to understand their subjects and
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
students
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’
skills
Use synonyms
 in digital literacy.
As a result
Linking Words
, digital literacy skill helps
students
Use synonyms
 to get better opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, many families send their children to private institutions
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 summer vacations to improve their
hobbies in technological
Correct word order
technological hobbies
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the main reason why some parents avoid spending their
many
Use the right word
money
show examples
 on technological
devices
Use synonyms
 is that school children should be
studding
Correct your spelling
studying
 and understanding at
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, people convince learning process
dose
Use the right word
does
show examples
 not require
especial
Use the right word
special
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 may succeed in their lives and get a high
scored
Replace the word
score
 in school without
accepting
Verb problem
acquiring
show examples
 new
skills
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 in
technological
Replace the word
technology
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
students
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get
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 successful lives because they concentrate on their mental
skills
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both views are valid, but from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 I prefer using
technological
Replace the word
technology
 for
students
Use synonyms
 to
learning them
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 without using electrical
devices
Use synonyms
 because we need to improve our
skills
Use synonyms
 to keep up with changes.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. However, make your main view clearer. Say that the internet and computers are helpful, but teachers and schools are still needed.
task response
Develop each main idea more. In the first body part, explain how online videos, books, and lessons can help a child learn at home. In the second body part, explain why a teacher can guide, check, and help each child.
task response
Your examples are too general. Give one clear example, such as a child using an online science video to understand a hard school lesson, or a teacher helping a child correct mistakes.
task response
Be careful with your final paragraph. It says you prefer technology, but then says students should learn without electronic devices. Choose one clear view and keep it the same from the start to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “One benefit of computers and the internet is that children can learn in many ways.” Then write details and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. Use simple link words with care: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “As a result” when the next idea is not a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like “students,” “technology,” and “skills” many times in one part. You can use “children,” “learners,” “digital tools,” or “these tools” to make the writing smoother.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and try to support it with reasons about digital skills and future work.
task response
You include ideas for both computer learning and school learning, which is important for this kind of question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear paragraphs, and the reader can see where each side begins.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “On the other hand,” “For instance,” and “In conclusion.”
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • interactive learning
  • educational games
  • virtual simulations
  • traditional textbooks
  • structured learning environments
  • real-time feedback
  • personalized guidance
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • broader range of knowledge
  • engagement
  • discipline
  • learning objectives
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