IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, people of all ages are increasingly busy
lifestyles
Change preposition
with their lifestyles
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. In my opinion, having a hobby is essential to reduce stress, become productive and
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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make our life enjoyable. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the benefits of having
hobbies
Use synonyms
 with suitable illustrations.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in children’s development. Activities
such
Linking Words
 as reading, dancing and playing musical instruments enhance their intellectual and cognitive abilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can learn the importance of discipline, hard work and patience
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are crucial for personal and professional life.
For example
Linking Words
, the children who enjoy reading
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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 become more focused and can concentrate more effectively.
Thus
Linking Words
,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 strengthen the mental abilities of children and contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their psychological development.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are extremely beneficial for young and adult individuals to reduce their daily life stress. Spending time in the activities that they enjoy could divert their minds and
energize
Change the spelling
energise
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 them.
Moreover
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, taking part in gardening, cooking and cleaning activities can keep the individual socially and physically active.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
an
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 employee who spends long hours in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 and later
practice
Correct subject-verb agreement
practices
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 yoga,
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
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 musical instruments or
any
Verb problem
engages in any
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 physical activity as a hobby can clear their head and refresh their mind for
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 day.
Hence
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,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 bring enjoyment and break the monotony of
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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 routine.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, I strongly believe that h everyone should have one hobby, whether it is related to sports, creativity or social
skill
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skills
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. As it contributes to our mental, physical and social well- being

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task response
Your essay does not answer the given question. The question asks if people will need to move to another planet because of harm to Earth. Your essay is about hobbies. Read the question again and state clearly if you agree, disagree, or agree in part.
task response
Use main ideas about the topic. For example, explain why Earth may still be saved through less waste, clean power, and strong laws. You may also explain that space travel is very hard, costly, and not a real answer for most people.
task response
Give examples that fit the topic. Instead of examples about reading or yoga, use examples such as solar power, tree planting, cleaner public transport, or the high cost of life on another planet.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. However, the whole shape must follow the question topic. Make each body part support your view on Earth and another planet.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main point. Then explain it, give one fitting example, and link it back to your view. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links with care, such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “However,” and “In short.” Do not use a link if the next idea is not closely linked to the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should sum up your answer to the planet question. Do not add a new topic in the final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs and clear signposts such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “To recapitulate.” This helps the reader see the main parts of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your body parts follow a useful order: main point, explanation, and example. Keep this plan when you write about the right topic.
task response
You give clear views and examples in your writing. This is a good habit; now make sure every view and example answers the exact question.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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